Monotone Quotes

Words actually said by @MonotoneTim. Run by @im_mender_. Send quotes to us with #MonotoneQuotes.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

(let's hope this isn't the tweet that gets my account s-worded)

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Well I guess I'll just have to go and murder a bunch of high schoolers myself then.

[Patrick Stewart @N685DA]

“Bacon is like pig cheese” @MonotoneQuotes

[Nunya_bsnss @MaieveGamer]

@MonotoneQuotes "With the current epidemic I realized I can poop at work... Because they have toilet paper! HAHAHA! Take that society"

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Didn't have enough Pepper, didn't have enough Thyme, didn't have enough Drill.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

What's a Celsius.

[Patrick Stewart @N685DA]

@MonotoneQuotes Ok, this isn’t a quote, but he’s stabbed an audience member and chopped cabbage on the floor (among other things) 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

[Patrick Stewart @N685DA]

“Let’s get a bit of barbecue sauce. That’s America’s olive oil” @MonotoneQuotes

[Patrick Stewart @N685DA]

There, I’ve turned this pair of trousers in to office-appropriate booty shorts @MonotoneQuotes

[Patrick Stewart @N685DA]

“If you had to pee in a man’s shoe, how would you describe that? Preferably in roller coaster terms.” @MonotoneQuotes

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

I'm gonna boo that man's pee!

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

There's an order to this: pee, then slap.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

You don't want to kiss me hotly, I'm not rich.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

I’ll start anew… in a post-honk world.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Animals, animals everywhere. It’s a cornucopia of meat. Screw you nature, that’s what you get.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Thanks a lot. Thanks for taking everything I ever needed and dumping raptors on my face.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Where’s my noodle? Ah goddammit, I couldn't get my noodle out on time.
... don't think too much about that sentence.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Also, it’s been a month anniversary since I started bleeding. I’m still bleeding. And it’s getting worse. How am I still bleeding?

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Well that was convenient. People should die more often, really helps us out.

[Monotone Quotes @MonotoneQuotes]

Hey do you want to talk to my friend? He's got an infectious disease.