Morgan Hixson

I’m fluent in Sigh Language

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

@TheChanceBedell @SBUTheatre @pbandjess22 @AliOldweiler @foltz_christina That’s like the most important lesson to learn tho

[Cameron Magruder @ScooterMagruder]

I once again hate being a Dallas Cowboys fan

[Kevin Cole @KevinCole___]

My not currently in the Hall of Fame QB worthiness rankings:

Brady
Brees
Rodgers
Roethlisberger
Rivers
Wilson
Ryan
Mahomes
Romo
Stafford
Eli

[Drew Gooden @drewisgooden]

aww, you guys thought you could stop seeing people tweet about that game just because you muted the word? well I’m calling it worble now. gonna mute that one too? Now it’s blurdle. I can do this all day.

[SparkNotes @SparkNotes]

He died doing what he loved: exiting, pursued by a bear

[Military Spice @AliOldweiler]

"I cannot deal with the molecular level!" - @Abbiegail31

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

Been thinking about something controversial for awhile. Finally ready to speak my truth.

I don’t believe Santa drinks that milk. It’s impossible. He would die. Even if he was lactose tolerant (statistically rare). But it goes somewhere… where?

Hear me out: Sleigh fuel.

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

Oh boy my plane just landed! Can’t wait to immediately get up and spend the next 10 minutes awkwardly standing in the aisle!

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

[Minor league baseball mascot design meeting]
Boss: ok so we voted and our mascot shall be a shrimp
Designer: *nervous sweating*
Boss: you’ve seen a shrimp before right
Designer (lying): yeah of course!

2 months later:

[Brian Baldinger @BaldyNFL]

.@dallascowboys @MicahhParsons11 this video is simply titled “ The Parsons Problem” What can’t he do? I bet if you put him at TE; he would be all world their as well The Parsons Problem coming to an #NFL city near you #BaldysBreakdowns

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

Sometimes I hack into the SBU theatre accounts and search sports topics and if I’m feeling especially frisky I’ll even like a few posts. Just so the admin has to deal with it

[RJ Ochoa @rjochoa]

That is one of the dumbest rules in the NFL.

Just absolutely stupid and making things complicated for no reason.

Being punished for blocking a punt is ridiculously dumb in every single way.

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

Sometimes I get the Black Hot Chili Peppers confused with the Red Eyed Peas

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

I mean I personally would just use a smidge of my untold millions to hire world class bodyguards specifically trained to be on high alert at all times for snails but then again that’s just me

[Blogging The Boys @BloggingTheBoys]

RT IF YOU LOVED THE GAME WINNER

(via @NFL)

[RJ Ochoa @rjochoa]

A Cowboys fourth down attempt that wasn't even measured with the chains.

Multiple missed roughing penalties against Dak Prescott.

A Dak Prescott touchdown on third and goal that wasn't even reviewed.

Officiating has been an absolute joke against the Cowboys in New England.

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

@Disney So I have an idea for y’all that’ll make us both rich, I’m sure… Inverse-Pinocchio! Every time he’s honest, his nose shrinks. Give me a call

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

Just learned about the Seven Brides for Seven Brothers plot. Don’t text

[Morgan Hixson @MorganHixson2]

In my head Mercury being in retrograde is a stock market expression