Mormon Macdonald

Member in good standing. Comedian in considerably worse standing.

I was told there would be refreshments.

Parody.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@CyowaSt8 I once knew a fella from Iowa. He was very kind. Turned out he was just trying to sell me a vacuum cleaner.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@CyStateISU The trick is to catch us on a Sunday when we haven't had our Diet Coke yet. We turn into real jerks.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@uteshubcom The worst part about campaigning for Bishop is the debates. You really have to watch your language.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@uteshubcom I always judge a missionary by his completion percentage. If you aren't throwing for at least 60% in the font, you're just handing the ball off to the full-time elders.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@nicoraytruth It's a little known fact that the dead actually have quite a bit of free time on their hands. They can wait a few years.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@DiscipleFidei I don't think you have to worry about this too much on account of him being dead.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@SportyMcSports I am not DA only HO, today, we are all HO’s.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@dttpeople My favorite debate tactic is the Gish Gallop. Mostly because it sounds like a very fancy way to ride a horse.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@SportyMcSports I tried this once. Turns out the 15th question is just whether or not you have a ticket.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@TheGasStovee I always get my theology from an account named after a kitchen appliance that slowly leaks carbon monoxide.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@zackpeter The worst part about murder, in my opinion, is the hypocrisy.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@LargeInStature_ I usually just try to keep one really terrible, unrepented sin in my back pocket. Just as an insurance policy against the rapture.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@NQpilot People like you are far more detrimental to the Church than people like her. You’re the kind of person Jesus didn’t like being around.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@Law_Of_Chastity I find that if you have one horse, you really don't need three more. Unless you're trying to pull a very heavy wagon, or you're one of those guys who likes to stand on two horses at once.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@PeacemakingSt The older I get, the more I realize the only thing I really want for my birthday is for people to stop bringing up the fact that it's my birthday. That, and a really big block of cheese.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@NQpilot I get it now. You like Men. You’ve made that pretty clear.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@PatsyDiabetes Four words:
You are not very smart.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@Law_Of_Chastity I don't know much about the law, but it seems like ramming your vehicle into a house is probably going to void the warranty on the truck.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@Victoriawrites2 You can root for whoever you want. But if you choose USC, you have to explain to the bishop why you're supporting a bunch of guys famous for hiding inside a wooden horse to commit murder.

[Mormon Macdonald @MormonMacdonald]

@For3JT That requires humility. Which only one of them has.