Stephen Morrison

Skills

[Stephen Morrison @Morrisontal]

Oh god

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I read this as a such a northern dialect headline at first.

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BBC entertainments and arts page = very wavy today.

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London is good innit

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Tired today.

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Overheard in Bolton Harvester.
Lee: alright Dan?
Dan: Lee.
Lee: New trainers ?
Dan: they’re horrendous mate. Horrendous.
Lee: …. I like them.

[MIT4D @mit4d]

@Morrisontal is it acceptable to send my son to nursery as you in man down for world book day? 🚓 😆

[Stephen Morrison @Morrisontal]

SEVEN MONTHS SINCE JUNE . BBC CHRISTMAS 9:00pm

Experts mark the seven month anniversary of the death of TV actress June Brown by creating a computer generated AI rendering of the ex Eastenders stalwart to see how she would behave if alive today.

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Harry Kane’s nose looks like a graph of the recession.

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‘I have never been a fan of resting strikers. We had a fig tree once that gave 5 figs one year then nothing after. Instead of use fruit from other trees (quince, plumb, crab ) we stuck with the fig . Our family jam was as see through as a can of Tab Clear ‘.

Gareth Southgate

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‘I’m not a huge fan of pressing teams. I had a couple of bees at my cornetto once, both of them closing it down. I tried turning away and ignoring them but that made things worse. Not sure what happened after that. I think I may have blacked out.’

Gareth Southgate

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Frack to the Future

Teenager Marty travels to the 1950s to halt the first commercially successful application of hydraulic fracturing, but becomes involved in a one way sexual relationship with his own mother, causing him to sire his own self and get asthma.

7:00pm Sky Plus

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The Hunt For Red Fracktober.
Sky movies +: 10:00pm

A rouge Soviet Frac Supervisor wishes to defect to the US offering to pass all of his hydraulically mined shale gas under the iron curtain, along with his quintuplex pump, some sand handling equipment and a slurry blender.

[Stephen Morrison @Morrisontal]

The Great British Frack Off 8:00pm C4

It’s shale gas week so contestants are permitted to add biocide to their hydraulic fracturing recipes before funnelling them at a bedrock near the North Sea in the hope of giving it a soggy bottom. Judged by Yoko Ono, and Paul Hollywood.

[Stephen Morrison @Morrisontal]

Ramsay’s kitchen Frackmares
Channel 4: 10:00pm

This week the Michelin starred chef uses a hydraulic formula to shatter the bedrock formation of a kitchen island in south sheilds causing immeasurable damage and an earthquake

[Stephen Morrison @Morrisontal]

Duncan Bannatyne should sell is own brand of bananas.

The strap line …

‘Make time for banana time with Bannatyne bananas’