You disrespect yourself when you beg someone for bare minimum things like love, attention, affection, support, care, precipitation, etc don't do that shit again.
You need 3 activities:
One that makes you money.
One that brings you peace.
One that keeps you fit.
There’s a million different options for each.
The fun part is experimenting with them all, choosing the one you enjoy, and creating a sustainable lifestyle over the next decade.