Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody

Pro-Brexshit Member of Parliament for Remain Constituency of Chipping Barnet (maj. 353). Fracking-supporting Secretary of State for the Environment. *parody*

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

I’m trying to keep away from the flooded areas for obvious reasons.

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Has anyone got a shield for my pussy? #trump

[Krishnan Guru-Murthy @krishgm]

Trump has just repeated his call for Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage to "come together".

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

But we’d all have to sell our shares in pharmaceuticals! #toriesdonotrepresenttheworkingclass #richtories

[Tory Fibs @ToryFibs]

Labour detail its plans to set up a People Owned Pharma Firm. This would prevent the Tories Big Pharma donors from ripping the NHS off by over-charging for medicines. Socialised Medicine

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

I don’t know who is funding the Lib Dems as they’re spending money like a Tory minting Brexshit 50ps and doing our job for us. Saving us a fortune all because they want the power of a ConDemncoaition again. #YellowTories #votelabour

[Tory Fibs @ToryFibs]

The best television you will watch today. Jo Swinson finally caught out for the brazen fibber that she is.

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

If you want to study how well Tory politicians use a lot of words to claim we’ve done something but actually there’s nothing tangible read this https://t.co/DLkthIzgCv I claim I’ve saved nurseries but all I’ve got is a sometime future review. #ToryLies

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Launched my campaign in Ravenscroft Park with a photo. I didn’t get as many supporters as the Labour candidate did and I had to make sure the photo was fuzzy so my supporters don’t feel embarrassed for supporting me. Tories aren’t popular for some reason. #vanquishvilliers

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Peasants turned up to my office with a petition yesterday. Luckily I was with someone so could hide behind them. Apparently saying there will be a “review” isn’t actually the same as actually giving schools and nurseries the money they need. #beya #saveourschools @BarnetStop

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

You’d think they wanted to get rid of me!

[Phileus Fox (Basil) 🥀💔🥀 @phileusfoxx]

The Tories majority in #ChippingBarnet in 2017 was 353, & the Greens got 1,406.
Please @BarnetGreens help @ChippingLabour get rid of the fracking loving, badger culling, hard brexiteer @MPVilliers
Pretty please 🙏🏾🌹

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

No we’re not. We’re fudging the data. It’s what we do. Anyway, Trump and ❤️Boris❤️ already have it all planned out. You vote for our lies, we form a government, we do what we want. #ToryLies

[Boris Johnson @BorisJohnson]

We’re putting more money into the NHS than ever before #OurNHS

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Have we just redefined “low paid”? It worked when David redefined “poverty”. #ToryLies

[CCHQ Press @CCHQPress]

🚨New independent stat 🚨

📉Proportion of people working in low paid jobs has fallen to a RECORD LOW
💷Coincides with the @Conservatives introduction of the National Living Wage - which we'll be increasing again

Helping families with the cost of living
https://t.co/4SJH5ECEHF

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Are we blaming the fire service that we’ve cut to shreds? #solidaritywithlfb #lfb #ToryLies #grenfell

[UK Prime Minister @10DowningStreet]

"The government is committed to airing the facts of the fire in public, no matter how difficult they may be, and acting on them. That commitment is absolute." – PM @BorisJohnson

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Honestly, it’s very exciting to be facing #generalelection2019 AGAIN. I think I’ve managed to meet those 353 who saved my skin last time. I’m sure they’ve been super impressed with all I’ve done since. I’m in the cabinet you know. #voteforme

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

353 votes and I lose my comfy, “safe” Conservative seat. #generalelection2017 gave me palpitations, so I’ve been love bombing all of Barnet since. Oh sorry, that should be photo bombing. #voteforchange #registertovote #chippingbarnet

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Please don’t register to vote. My pals and I count on you being disenfranchised so we can win. Oh how we laughed when a Tory councillor won in #HighBarnet by one vote! Every vote makes a difference you see! https://t.co/ElWIXDebPm #generalelection2019

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

*fingers in ears*

[Hendon Labour @HendonLabour]

A damning report criticising long-term organisational failings by Barnet Council aired on national TV this morning https://t.co/a6ICPUPsey #BarnetCouncil #BarnetHomes #socialCleansing #slum #bbc #victoriaderbyshire #tories #kenloach

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

@michaelgove @jeremycorbyn Excellent work, Michael. As long as we keep going with the antiCorbyn rhetoric and repeat our ‘commitment’ to the NHS this #generalelection is ours. (We are still going to privatise the bloomers off the NHS, right? We will make a chuffing fortune!)

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

I was very cosy sitting next to ❤️Boris❤️ on the front bench today. We lost the vote for a 12th December #generalelection2019 but we’ll just keep asking until the peasants accede. Personally, I’ll squeem and I’ll squeem until I’m sick.

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

🦡

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

Happy Diwali. I’ve used my Facebook page to patronisingly explain what it is (as told to me by an aide) and shared a photo of another of my community photo ops. #votedorme #imdesperate

[Theresa Villiers MP *cough* parody @MpVilliers]

It is absolutely unacceptable that today sees #brexit delayed by another hour! I will be campaigning to reinstate this hour so #Brexshit can be that bit closer for all of us. And microchipping cats. Don’t forget I’m microchipping cats. 🐈 🍟