Theophrastus Bombastus

Time lays waste to all. And love turns to dust. Ruin is inevitable. And all else is prelude.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

This is why I am quitting Twitter.

[follow @bencollins on bluesky @oneunderscore__]

Thread of new reporting:

For the last couple of weeks, if you searched "cat" on Twitter, the search box would autocomplete to "cat in a blender."

The video you would see when you clicked through appeared to show a kitten being slaughtered.

How did this happen? I found out.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

Edit: not for free, but nowhere near what my time is actually worth.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

Is...

Is this...

Optimism?

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

LOL, Nope

You don't get to break up with me, demand a lingering "let's just be friends-ship" for 6 months, then ask me to work for you for free.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

@Jordan_Morris @Mythical @rhettmc @LinkNeal Incidentally, the local convenience store chain has started selling "Circus Shake" which I can only assume is milked from one of Cotton Candy Randy's teats.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

@Jordan_Morris @Mythical @rhettmc @LinkNeal Easily in the top 5 of my favorite GMM characters.

[Rory Blank @BoneJail]

age of machines

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

I just completed the routine mandatory ethics training required for my employment as a public servant, making me technically more ethical than the entire SCOTUS.

[b-boy bouiebaisse @jbouie]

This is a legit bombshell https://t.co/7qKuOCx1UO

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

My cloaca is sore...

#NMS
#LivingShip

[Rory Blank @BoneJail]

marker birds

[obvious plant @obviousplant_]

The Corn-Puter (1993)

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

It's like Zeno's Paradox of automobile maintenance.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

I love how every time I have to fix this car, it costs roughly about half its current value.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

Earlier in the week, I discovered a tiny paradise moon in #NoMansSky with which I've become obsessed. I've found 3 Sentinel Pillars and countless other sites just by flying around! It is taking all of my willpower to keep from continuing my exploration while telecommuting.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

I don't give a shit if I mispronounced "nazism" because, and I can't stress this enough, fuck nazis.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

The lesson couldn't be more clear: I am not allowed to complain about anything because in your mind you have it so much worse than me and none of my pain or suffering is valid compared to your own.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

You mustn't hate that song as much as you claim you do, seeing as you immediately sought it out to play for me when I said I did not know it.

[Randall Munroe @xkcd]

Commemorative Plaque https://t.co/9URx9Krax4

[Rory Blank @BoneJail]

McLindon's Talking Dummies

[Casey Seiler @CaseySeiler]

Just a sample of the sort of stuff previously blocked from public view by 50-a.

[Theophrastus Bombastus @MultifariousMrT]

@ElieNYC Moreso OCD than schizophrenic behavior.