Minister of Loneliness

If there's one thing in life I can truly count on it's my abacus.

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

I'd like to go out with someone who's active, popular & has a positive outlook on life because opposites attract.

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Dreamt I was having a flirtashionship with my cousin who looked exactly like @CraigRoberts10. He got me a free iPad Air. We travelled to London in the back of a truck to see a 55 min Scorcese film about a samurai, some gay Japanese kids & De Niro. God I wish this was my life!

[nadira @nadirawrites]

Jon M. Chu wishes he could light a shot this well

[james tom @jestom]

new workout goal is to have a body where after I commit a crime, the media posts my shirtless pics and everyone's like WOW

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

This is like Hitchcock's Rope!

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Literally don't know what half the things in his list mean. Tim Urban? Thiel?? Bali??? Never heard of her!

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Fit, rich and into AI? Boy you've got me down to a T!

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

This is 100% not a political statement but why is the CEO assassin so hot? It's like some male model got Zoolandered into becoming a hitman.

[Dan Duvall @DanDuvallComedy]

Trump just put my dad in charge of saying I love you

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Ridley Scott: Bring me the internet's boyfriend!
Gladiator II Casting Director: Which one???
Ridley Scott: Yes!

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Is it just me or is John Mulaney slowly morphing into Jason Bateman? I'm not complaining, I just think we should study it so we can replicate it and get it to mass market!

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Self hypnosis: You are feeling sleepy, your eyelids are heavy...
Me: *falls asleep*

[Southern Dan @StolenDans]

eating disorder? yeah man i'm eating dis order of french fries hahahahaha but yeah no my relationship with food is lowkey not great

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

@SamRaimiUpdates Something to live for I guess

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

When does the unhappiness stop? Or is this just adulthood?

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Things I have been googling instead of going to sleep:
- How smart is an Orangutan
- Doyenne meaning
- White Pizza Sauce

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

So it seems like I met my soul mate but I guess I wasn't their soul mate 😔

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Turning my music up so the neighbours don't hear me weep!

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

Desperately trying to find a way to monetise my mental ill health.

[Minister of Loneliness @NJO]

My whole life has been one endless Mercury in retrograde!