Yournew Momfriend

Honest mom. Funny stories. Musings. Support. Parent solidarity. Follow me on IG as well at #workingmom #momlife #funnymom

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

My husband got *me* a fitness game for the Nintendo for Christmas.

I was like “what are you trying to say?”

Now the kids are at level 130 and wearing themselves out daily while out of my hair.

Turns out he’s a great gift giver.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

@Wonderfulnewbab True!

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

My husband got *me* a fitness game for the Nintendo for Christmas.

I was like “what are you trying to say?”

Now the kids are at level 130 and wearing themselves out daily while out of my hair.

Turns out he’s a great gift giver.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

Tell me why I just used my phone camera to fix my hair, when I was sitting in my parked car with literally two car mirrors right in front of me.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

@Mrs_JParker The institutionalization of learning as an affront to the normal daily movement needs of children?

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

My son’s therapist was 30 min late this morning because “she doesn’t do well with morning appts.” Then the office scheduler made a call about weight loss meds and some program she has to complete before getting them.

We give professionals too much credit. They’re just people.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

“That’s it! I quit!”

- my son, regarding 4 year old preschool

Should I tell him, or just let him have his moment?

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

Sometimes I wish I could be like my 4 yr old who just makes potty jokes when he doesn’t know the answer to something.

When is that delivery coming? “Poo poo pants”

Why is this report wrong?
“Diarrhea”.

Just lighten the mood with some fecal matter humor, ya know?

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

The next time I encounter a boomer loudly describing their personal health issues and decrying the work ethic of millenials while on speakerphone in a waiting area, I’m going to unplug my kid’s headphones from their tablet and let them play Blippie’s laugh on full blast.

[floorboard @StruggleDisplay]

Sometimes I tell my kids they are my sunshine but what I really mean is that too much exposure to them causes me discomfort, aging, and wrinkles

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

If you can’t handle me at my perimenopause, then you don’t deserve me at my “no longer capable of a pregnancy scare.”

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

If candy makers think they’re just going to rebrand regular candy as Easter candy and that’s going to make me buy a bunch of it then they’re completely right.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

Trying to verify security passwords is like summoning Captain Planet: EARTH, WIND, WATER, FIRE… one capital, one special character… not your old password, you’ve been locked out.. HEART.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

@Chhapiness That’s because it will have more stability.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

@difficultpatty I got 3 kids through toddler years and many stomach bugs. Geese? Meh.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

We just got back home from 2 days at a waterpark.

We went down every slide, went in the wave pool, did interactive quests, mini golf, bowling and arcade games and ate ice cream and fries and popcorn.

While I unpack 5 suitcases, 4 asks why we can’t do anything fun rn.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

I binged watched love is blind until three in the morning last night, even though I had to be at work in the morning.

Do I regret my choice? No.

But did I learn a valuable lesson?

Also, no.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

@IHideFromMyKids The main difference between my dog and sons is my dog hits his target when he pees.

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

4/ But ultimately they don’t want research- they want to guide you down an internet hole of conspiracy theories and propaganda and point to wild explanations of actual research that stretch the imagination and throw self-critical measurements of potential bias to the wind

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

You’ll never see people who *actually* know how to professionally and scientifically lead a research study telling you to “do your own research.”

[Yournew Momfriend @NewMomFriend]

3/ Unlike those constantly berating others to “do their own research” as if every interested individual had access to several hundred or thousand test subjects to do anything resembling research rather than a smattering of anecdotal stories about someone their aunt’s friend knew