NigelNicholson

A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives exactly when he is supposed to. I never insult people. I describe them.

[NigelNicholson @NigelANicholson]

The message here for @Etsy is that those who live by the sword, imposing incredibly tight rules and restrictions, will ultimately die by it.

[NigelNicholson @NigelANicholson]

My wife is furious and so am I. Having spent weeks putting together a really nice store @QuietBlossomStore on Etsy, @Etsy has just suspended it before it even started trading for no reason and with no notification nor explanation. She cannot even log into it to see the problem.

[NigelNicholson @NigelANicholson]

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

[NigelNicholson @NigelANicholson]

Christmas is coming!

[NigelNicholson @NigelANicholson]

You know you're getting old when, faced with two temptations, you choose the one that gets you home by 9.00 pm.

[NigelNicholson @NigelANicholson]

Total ineptitude by @RymanStationery and its carrier @YodelOnline I ordered online a filing cabinet to be delivered to the nearest store for me for me to collect. Due in two days. Now two days later. I'm told the reason for non-delivery is the carrier couldn't find the address.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

Many people see only clouds. Part of my "job" is to help them appreciate the silver lining.

[NigelNicholson @NigelANicholson]

@irajdeep "Sir" Jadeja has done it! A six and a four from the last two balls!

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I am very pleased that my wise counsel has transformed the life of one of my parishioners. He spent 20 years as a house burglar but now he wants to give something back.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I have no objection to having a few drinks with parishioners. However I think it is wrong for me to encourage alcohol use by buying my round.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I am never afraid of expressing my opinions. But I am afraid of what might happen afterwards.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

If you visit Mozart's grave you will hear a very discordant sound. Don't worry. It's just the great man decomposing.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I joined a new gym six months ago but it doesn't appear to have had any positive effect on my fitness and physique. If it goes on like this I'm going to have to go there in person and complain.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I guess it's time to sort out my plans for the weekend. I'll probably have to go into work at some point.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I have no problem with other religions. I also believe they are much better at exploiting their IP as this photograph from the Buddha Bar in Marrakesh shows.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I believe this is something we can all agree on

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

I met a man from Prague yesterday who was extolling the virtues of Czech beer and Czech women. Apparently they go hand in hand. The more beer you drink the better the women look.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

On Monday morning I usually tour the cafes and breakfast haunts of Belgravia to check if any of my congregation have any spending money left after the weekend. I work constantly to top up Church funds.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

Sunday is my busiest day of the week. When its sunny like today I always think it would make sense to organise an outdoor service. All I need is to find a conveniently available roof terrace with a champagne brunch and someone in the congregation willing to pick up the bill.

[Reverend Jackson @TheRevrdJackson]

An exciting Eurovision Song Contest. Congratulations to the Nordic countries. They know how to sing. The U.K. had a predictable result: an average song staged and sung very poorly.