Nigel Larson

Comedian, writer, drummer, human beatbox-er, wannabe voice actor, and player of video games.

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

The main advantage to putting a laser sight on your gun is now when you point it at someone, he will be attacked by cats.

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

@feffom_magno @pathofexile PC will have couch co-op

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

@KayGaming767 got one to checkout, then died a slow death loading to login.

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

@relentlesdharma @EdyWNR @DalaiLama He's referring to holes on his face, eyes nose, mouth. So his hole-yness

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

@bobgodwinx @LastWeekTonight You need 60 votes to clear the Senate. You only need 51 for budgeting

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

@TheDarkNight090 @pattonoswalt That would be a mettle detector

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

The political spectrum is no longer conservative to liberal. Now it's "dangerous" to "irritating."

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

Kanye is Trump's Dennis Rodman

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

At Subway cashing out.
Me: I'll get a cookie.... Wait make that two.
Cashier: If you get 3 you save 50¢
Me: You had me at 3

*Eats all three in car, doesn't tell girlfriend, she finds the bag, I move to Sweden*

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

@XboxSupport path of exile says it requires an update, but none is available under manage game. Please advise

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

Wait, so Louie CK's fantasy is to be humiliated, shamed, and for women to think he's gross, and disgusting. Wow, we've all really played into this one.

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

I was wondering why the police here are called Seattle's Finest and I was like, "Oh, the most fines."

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

I thought trap beats would have more snare

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

It's not even 9am, and I've already managed to set my moustache on fire

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

Everytime I'm stuck in brutal bumper-to-bumper traffic I'm reminded highways were invented by Hitler

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

Overthrowing our democracy to put in a dictator is historically the most American thing we could do

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

I did all kinds of car stuff today! Like get an oil change, buy new tires, and back it up into a cement wall

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a bomb carrying robot

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

I had @dominos last night and today my stomach sounds like a creaky old ghost ship

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

Scotland tried to leave the UK this year and ENG was like, "No! that would mess up our union... also that's a great idea. Fuck you Europe!"

[Nigel Larson @NigelLarson]

Yeah Republicans, NOW you care about women's health and safety... Uh-huh #suspicious #bathroombill