Ryan

macaroni and cheese enthusiast.

[Peter Smithson @P_Smithson]

9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

When will our nation's sacrifices be respectfully appreciated? Iraq and Libya should reimburse us in oil.

[Nolan @KesselNolan]

So sad watching people eat alone

[SHAQ @SHAQ]

I'm apologizing to my man @crissangel I will never spell your name wrong again. U r the best magician ever.

My bad

Levitate me pls

[wint @dril]

Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge -- Except Rap And Country

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

Me: It's cold outside.
Them: It's not cold outside. Not compared to the place i lived which was colder, which I'm about to elaborate on.

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

JIM: I've got an idea. Let's call this place "Jimadelphia"

[PHIL is creeping up from behind with a crowbar]

[chip malfunction @online_shawn]

Combine all sports into one sport called Ballstorm and then maybe I'll watch it

[Nick Harvey @mrnickharvey]

Son: What are caterpillars afraid of?
Me: It's unlikely that they experience fear. They're not self-aware, so...
Son: [sadly] Dogerpillars.

[Luwanda @LuwandaJenkins]

Yes u should get vaccines. And so what if that makes your kid artistic. That don't always mean he's gay.

[Ryan @Noodlemop]

@MorganMadnesss our moms do latin dance together •.•

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

i am wearing a t-shirt with a sushi infographic on it and now my friends want to go to sushi and it's going to look like i dressed up for it

[Ryan @Noodlemop]

@TempoAxe
[Axe Ketchum]

[Ryan @Noodlemop]

@TSM_Leffen just do what i do. Accidental FH and pretend its a mixup

[skip intro @chuchugoogoo]

"Read 'em and weep" I say as I lay down my hand: a collection of my grandparent's handwritten love letters from WWII.

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist

[Ryan @Noodlemop]

@MorganMadnesss whoops. I tried.