ethan is the worst

im constantly being trapped behind secret bookcase doorways

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

ME: dude get off your high horse
DAN: fine
HORSE: do u think a lot of Doritos stuck together could work as a hang glider
DAN: he's so gone

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

oh boy camemb cheese is up next

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

TEACHER: when two lines intersect you get a point. So what do u get when two planes intersect?
ME [immediately]: 9/11
TEACHER: jesus christ

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

[a world where obama is a waiter and not the president]

me [as he hands me my pasta]: thanks obama
obama: how do u know my name

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

and lo, the wise men brought jesus three gifts, of gold, frankincense, and Titanfall 2: the critically acclaimed fps in stores now

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

grandson: what were things like back in your day grandpa

me:*gazes off into distance* we swiped to unlock our phones

grandson: *throws up*

[Awkward Rico @AwkwardRico]

Delete. it.

[Pandy Fackler ❄️ @ThatBrenna]

I got my photos from baseball camp today.

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

ME: hey is this microwave safe?
*microwave starts running with scissors*
ME: ok so that's a no

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

me [loudly]: im so hungry i could eat a horse
*office freezes*
jerry [who is a horse]: ok pal thats the ninth time u wanna take this outside

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

[frosted flakes commercial]
ME: eat your cheerios
SON: i hate cheerios
*tony tiger enters*
TONY: have u trie-
ME: holy shit is that a tiger

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

tim gunn and tom cruise in: tom gun. a movie about planes... planes and.... clothes.. and planes wearing clothes? or something idk

[Goth Ms. Frizzle @spookperson]

ah, traveler, you must be tired
come, sit

[common law wife guy @omically]

me in 3 fictional characters:

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

i carry an ID because im always prepared to be brutally murdered beyond recognition

[mike ginn @shutupmikeginn]

Age 15: someday I'm going to own a Ferrari
Age 20: maybe I'll get a BMW someday
Age 25: I hope someone in a Mercedes hits me in a crosswalk

[ethan is the worst @NotGoodEthan]

@KornOnTheRobb Michael Normalhands