Not Luca Maestri

Apple CFO. I keep track of Apple's cash pile and pimp slap cocky investment analysts. Of course parody...

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@tjreazor That I need to buy a small island off the coast.

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

I'm a pretty open guy. Want to know how I make $1.8M? Just like this. http://t.co/6SQxTlJwEr #SEC #AAPL

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@_HairForceOne Can confirm. Investors are never satisfied unless we report we're allowed to print money. #MoMoney #MoProblems

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@notphilschiller @thebigangela You're our VP of Marketing and even you can't get the buzz words right! Stop doing speed before these events!

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@notphilschiller Think they're ready for the #iPadPro2 in 2017?

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@notphilschiller @TheBigAngela Deep Trench Isolation…remember?

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@notphilschiller Glad to see you made it! @TheBigAngela and I are going back to the office for drinks in my office. You in?

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

Dear God! Was it really hot in there. RIP @NotPhilSchiller I'm sure he didn't make it. #AppleEvent

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

Okay, heading back to the office. Gotta get a head start buying #AAPL options. Tomorrow's going to be good. #AppleEvent

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

U2!!! Wait…

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

I'm glad to see our marketing department finally got off their asses.
#iPhone6s #iPhone6Plus #AppleEvent

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

Ditch Android for iPhone now available on the Android Marketplace. #Innovation #AppleEvent #iPhone6

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

'Live Photos' is revolutionary…nah, we're trying to get you excited for video. We're all out of ideas. #iPhone #AppleEvent

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

Deep Trench Isolation - What the stock market is doing to #AAPL right now. #iPhone #AppleEvent

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

Uh, guys, are you going to release the iCar today because they aren't buying. #AAPL #AppleEvent #iPhone

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

'Emergency Selfies' now available on #iPhone6s #Revolutionary #AppleEvent

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@_HairForceOne hair looking amazing as usual. A showman of showmen. #iPhone #AppleEvent

[ᴺᴼᵀ Jony Ive @JonyIveParody]

Just you try and fucking bend these goddamn iPhones… #AppleEvent

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

The stock holders care about 7000 series aluminum. Even less than oxidized TFT material. @NotPhilSchiller #AAPL

[Not Luca Maestri @NotLucaMaestri]

@TimCookSexts "We are driven to innovate at Apple" so we're going to release last years' model with minor adjustments. #iPhone6s