Critical Fail

Evolution of a blind nerd-dad

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Mage: "Can I collect anything from the umberhulks that I can use?"
DM: "Roll your intelligence."
*Crit Fail*
DM: "You seem to remember something about their butts being magical. Roll your dex."
*Critical Success*
DM: "You now possess three perfect umberhulk buttholes."

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Mage: "I want to use affection to help train my griffon."
DM: "Roll your charisma"
*crit fail*
DM: "So. You punch her in the back of the head."
*Mage is mortified*
*Griffon eyeballs Mage, OOZING sass.*

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Changing gears here. Going to start posting the crit fails and successes in my various AD&D 2nd edition games with my kiddo.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

@OttawaPolice SO TAKE THE KIDS AWAY.

Yeesh. This is clearly child endangerment. If these parents were any shade darker than snow, you'd have taken them away 22 days ago. Heck, this whole occupation would have been gone 22 days ago.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

@fruitwater_CA Did anyone else try to swipe their screen when the fruit hovered in the air? #fruitninjawhereareyou?

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

@fruitwater_CA So it's pop. Soda. Garbage.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

One doesn't need to be in an empty house to feel it...
https://t.co/CMoZilf4zX

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Needs big floppy ears and a cotton-tail.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

@CBCNews Almost as deadly as #elbowgate

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

"My daddy is so old, when he was a kid, his Lego people only had smiles!"

#oldmanlego #80sWasntThatLongAgo #LEGO

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

@chrisnheu @WIRED Right???

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

@Aikidobear @CBCNS @CBCNews Vanilla orchids are a tropical plant that doesn't produce pods until they are 3-5 years old. They are not a viable crop here in Canada

Cannabis is a weed that will grow anywhere.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

If you have anxiety, remember, you are not the only one on the planet with it. Anxiety is like Baskin Robbins. There's many many flavours of this ailment. However, unlike B.R., every one of them tastes shitty.

#anxiety #SickNotWeak #mentalIllness

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Tired (adj): getting a second cup of coffee while drinking coffee while bitching about where my favorite coffee cup is, while drinking from it.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Fitting that on #PiDay, #StephenHawking would pass on. Probably the wisest man on our planet, in history, he returns to stardust.

RIP.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

When you judge, you open yourself to the scrutiny of others.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

When you hear old farmers talking about how they need more snow, and you tell them "first week of March. It'll happen", and they laugh... Well... Lookee here.

#mbstorm

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Listening to some people talk is like eating broken glass.

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

Best e-decision I've ever made.

#NoMoreFacebook https://t.co/rg9TjySKFE

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Researchers Find Decline In Facebook Use Could Be Directly Linked To Desire To Be Happy, Fully Functioning Person https://t.co/RKdmEeZ8Cx

[Critical Fail @Not_Just_A_Dad]

I want to make a Where's Waldo book, 200 pages long... With no Waldo in it at all.

#FuckWaldo