Noutorious DAD

Day to day life of a Father of a 3 year old Son. Husband to a pregnant wife. Restless Warrior. The realness and glamour of Fatherhood. No sugarcoating in sight!

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

#Family
To be perfect together
To be lost individually

Ohana
Ohana means family.
Family means no one gets left behind

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

FUCK YOU CHAD VALLEY

Let’s make a massive intricate City.......
And do fuck all else.

Stuck 70+ stickers to this thing!!!!!!!

There’s not even an outline where they should go!!
#dadproblems
#fuckyouchadvalley

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

First full day at Preschool today:
Completed ✅
Chattering away about his day with the “big children” in the car.
Tomorrow is my first drop off to the Preschool Room.

Time. Fucking. Flies!!!

To do it aaaalll again with the new baba!
💙👪💙
#dadandson
#love
#preschool

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

💙CUTEST THING EVER💙
- Caught him on record saying “I love you” the other week.

#iloveyou
#dadson
#family
#love

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

2nd Run in to my 100km challenge throughout November.
Not ran properly in about 3 years

This means another day of being mocked by a 3 year old.

“Daddy, why are you playing the funny leg game?”

“Daddy, why are you going down the stairs on your bum?”
#nikerunning
#thepain
🏃🏼‍♂️

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

Eventually got round to watching Baywatch.

Me: OH. MY. GOD
(Scantily clad blonde and Zach Effron on screen)

Wife: Are you kidding me? I’m sat right here.
Me: ....
Wife: Please tell me it was the blonde?

Me: .....

😍😍😍
#mancrushFriday

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

🚨WARNING🚨
Do NOT send a joking message to an aggressive, pregnant hormonal wife.

From the safety of the toilet:
Me: “I don’t hear any pans clattering”

Wife: (Belowed upstairs)
“DINNER IS ON YOU FUCKING PRICK!!”
#illneverlearn
#takeawayforone

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

It seems theres a delayed Haloween in our house
My wife and son seem to be possessed

BY TWO MASSIVE TWATS!!

-Luckily, one is in bed.

-The other will continue to be possessed until bedtime
(It could also continue through tomorrow)

#letthisdsyfuckingend
#HappyFamily

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

@DadFiction One of the biggest mistakes I make as an adult is talking to other adults like they are adults and expecting them to recieve and process info like adults.

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

#HALOWEEN Tears already.
It’s not even dark.

God help me!!

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

A rare occurrence of a child free night

I can almost guarantee it’ll involve an early night and listening to why the wife’s Boobs are on fire??
19 weeks in the oven with No2

I used to love speaking about boobs.
Not fire tits.

Life. Has. Changed.
#womanproblems

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

#DayoftheDead
#DíadeMuertos
#flowers
#crafts
#pattern
@Morrisons Giant Pumpkin

#dadsthatfannyaboutwithshitforfuckall

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

Day Of the Dead style.

I need to go to bed!!
#nurseryduties
And first day at preschool!
😭😭😭

If I don’t cry tomorrow it’ll be a miracle.
#softshite

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

Everyone in bed, Again
Theyre finished and Beautiful

🎃 Gru Pumpkin ✅
🎃 Fucking Massive Pumpkin ✅
🎃 Wife’s Pumpkin ✅
🎃 OJs Pumpkin ✅
#gru
#CarvingKing
#StupidlyHeavyOTTPumpkin
#Haloween
#FamilyNights

-Massive Plus-
No stabbings,
Loss of appendages or fall outs!

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

Everytime!!
😂😂😂😂
@chaosandquiet

[Chaos & Quiet @chaosandquiet]

You’d think that after 30-something years I’d no longer have to recite “righty tighty, lefty loosey”.

You would be wrong.

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

🚨ROOKIE ERROR ALERT🚨
Friday Night
Wife: You have a lie in Saturday morning and ill have one Sunday?

Me: (long week,some beers)
Yeh, no worries

Me- Forgetting about the clocks
Ive been set up
An elaborate plan
Outsmarted
#6is5
#ClocksBack
#onenilwife
#iwillhavemyvengance

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

No Seaside trip today.

Instead, we went to @LothertonHall
A lot has changed since we last visited.
Weather to suit new guests to the bird garden 🐧
- Pushchair taken but spent most the trip round on my shoulders....🤷🏼‍♂️
#FamilyHustle
#daytrippers
#frozemytitsoff
#Penguins

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

We also nearly made it to the ripe old age of 3! Without a body smearing incident.

Suncream for me
Suncream for Lion
Repeat....

Not suncream.
SUDOCREM!
Smeared. Everywhere.

Now there’s a oily glaze on the majority of everything!
#fucksudocrem

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

That’s this weekends plans fucked!!

Or do we go and get soaked, eat soggy fish and chips, spend a tonne on the 2p machines?
#Decisions

[Noutorious DAD @NoutoriousDad]

This image truly jarred me when I saw it some years ago.
It would’ve affected me pre-fatherhood.
Nothing compared to how it did.

How lucky we are to have our loved ones safe!!
#love #family