Elliot Taylor

King Julian : What is a simple bite on the butt among friends?

[Elliot Taylor @OG_ElliotTaylor]

"Gimme gimme has to be the most ambitious quote this decade"
-Francis Mohan

[Archie🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 @CymraegATFC]

Back in the day you could wear full suits of armour into parliament until woke came in 1313

[🐍 Ƥşץ𝕔𝔥𝕠pomp_Đ𝔦o̷͝ηуรǗ丂 ඏ @Read_Acted]

“My final lesson to you, young Padawan.”

[LBark @franzsherbert]

This may seem harsh but any experienced teacher knows that randomly killing yourself in the middle of a lesson is sometimes the only way to get the student to learn

[Grace Panetta @grace_panetta]

he did it….he had the courage

[RedditCFB @RedditCFB]

Martin Luther, 1517:

[Conor Rogers @conorjrogers]

No one is ready for the real solution to Gerrymandering:

A return to the Constitution's original standard of 1 Member of Congress for every 30,000 Americans, resulting in an 11,000-member House with city-council sized districts so small you can't Gerrymander them if you tried.

[emily north @north0fnorth]

pretty good but still not as funny as normal illinois

[Miss Ally @MissAlly_01]

My dad was always a "If you got up there on your own, you can get down on your own" sort of man.
Fantastic father.
Terrible air traffic controller.

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

they’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. santa’s been delivering gifts in japan for hours by now; that list is locked, do whatever you want.

[Allen Strickland Williams @TotallyAllen]

I don't think we need two-factor authorization to sign up for Jersey Mike's rewards program. I think we can play that one a little loose.

[Blinkin @blinkinriley]

Editor: You post a tweet with coach after that recruiting win?
Social Media Intern: Sure did boss, had him blowing up a hospital just like you asked.
Editor: what

[Enguerrand VII de Coucy @ingelramdecoucy]

Iran was just a red herring, Guam was our real target all along

[Woofers @NotWoofers]

I call for an urgent UN Security Council meeting to protect the remaining Iranian F-14 airframes and evacuate them to safety

[Sunny @sunnyright]

Everyone else gonna look real stupid in the alumni newsletter this year

[Maximilian 🥰 @MaxMaaxMaaax]

unless we can put on the biggest, best damn talent show this town has ever seen...

[Dan Go @CoachDanGo]

Instead of fluoride they should put creatine in our water supply.

[Elliot Taylor @OG_ElliotTaylor]

@joe_kinkade Fr

[lavitalenta @lavitalenta]

It’s love

[J.P. McDade @jp_mcdade]

Lost $60,000 betting Kendrick would do Steely Dan’s “Reelin In The Years.”