Occam's Rubber Spatula

"Sometimes, when things are really, really obvious, you don't need an instrument that sharp."

Family, guns, XRP, DeFi, silver, prep, and dogs are my interests.

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@tkohl Get Smart condoms... Madison Avenue in the 60's...

[JD Flynn @jdflynn]

My cashier at Costco is named Fredo.

I just said to him, “I knew it was you, Fredo.”

Doesn’t look up. “Very good, sir. Haven’t heard that before.”

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@fresheggistan @Mike___Kilo Love mine. Never had any issues out of it.

[Ash and Stems @cigarsandlegs]

@damintoell “Oh you deleted the movie I paid for?”

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@HistoryWJacob Ben Franklin. Genius pussyhound.

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@nancy_incognito @BullyCreative No no no, Emmer is right... they should sent back across the Atlantic on the next thing smoking...

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@Kewl_Errol @janefkndoe I will now...

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

What will it take for the men that once ruled 3/4 of the planet to rise up and end the nonsense in the UK?

[🚜𝓛𝓪𝓭𝔂𝓚 @LadyKristin222]

Some businesses still give you a discount when you pay cash, I know why and I support that reason 😂

[𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚎𝚢 🇺🇸☝🏼 @HarleyMonster]

I giggled.

[Sama Hoole @SamaHoole]

Your government will cheerfully let you:

- Drink until your liver waves a white flag
- Smoke forty a day for fifty years
- Inhale a kebab at 3am with a fistful of chips and a fizzy drink the colour of antifreeze
- Eat ultra-processed gunge until you're diabetic at thirty-four
- Swallow pills with a side-effects leaflet folded like a road map
- Get inked by a bloke called Spider in a garage that smells of Dettol and regret
- Hurl yourself out of a perfectly good aeroplane
- Climb a frozen mountain that kills experienced men every year
- Pay good money to swim with sharks

But there is one substance so dangerous, so reckless, that a grown adult cannot be trusted with it:

- Milk. From a healthy cow. On a clean farm. The next village over.

They'll wave you onto the skydive and the shark cage, then step in to save you from a glass of the stuff your great-grandparents drank every single morning of their lives.

Funny, that.

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@pittman72331 @elonmusk Non-negotiable to whom?

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@dina29012 @elonmusk You don't pay a hooker to fuck.

You pay her to leave afterwards...

[Echoes of War @EchoesofWarYT]

George Washington bred his own pack of hunting dogs and named them like a man with zero supervision. We're talking Sweet Lips, Tipsy, Tipler, Drunkard, and one named Vulcan who was so big a kid could ride him like a pony. Vulcan once stole an entire ham straight off the dinner table and bolted to the kennels. The General just laughed while Martha sat there furious.

But the dogs were only half of it. The man could DANCE. In 1779 he partnered with Kitty Greene at a ball and the two of them danced for over three hours straight without sitting down once. People at the time said he was actually elite at it. He called it "so agreeable and innocent an amusement."

And in his final years his big retirement hobby was building a whiskey distillery. Not a little hobby still either. By 1799 it was the largest distillery in America, cranking out 11,000 gallons a year.

So the real George Washington: breeds hunting dogs with names like Drunkard, dances for three hours straight, runs the biggest whiskey operation in the country. Founding Father behavior.

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

Rules are rules...

[Viral Videos™️ @ViralVideos]

Did this dude just say, “Fire away!” as this black woman farted in his face?! 🤮

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@BrunusCutis 10 seconds...

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@RickyLaFleurRX7 Nice over there... I'm Tampa-ish... the same, yet totally different. Totally different vibe than the Gulf Coast...

Being northern transplants, I hope they are ready for the local flora and fauna...

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@WilliamShatner Yes. You need to make amends for "Rocket Man"...

[Occam's Rubber Spatula @OccamRubberSpat]

@WomenBeingAwful Neither of these images look like a nice place to live...