Only Associates

tweeting when I should be billing

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Hearing rumors that Microsoft is bringing targeted updates to the Outlook app on partner’s computers and phones. By early 2024, partners will be able to schedule their own meeting. Can anyone confirm?

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Me looking up and wondering when an f-22 is going to shoot down my partners inflated ego

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Judge: “Your client has been sentenced to 20 years in prison”

Me: “I’d like to double it and give it to the next person”

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“Industry experts say that ChatGPT will not replace attorneys because it makes too many mistakes”

Me, an associate:

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You think running a marathon is exhausting? Try taking a deposition.

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Can I quiet quit hearing about quiet quitting?

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Why people acting like quiet quitting is a new thing. These Gen Zs have obviously never seen office space

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My favorite part about litigation is that you’ll write the most aggressive letter possible to opposing counsel and then end it with something like “Warm Regards” or “Very Truly Yours”

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Torts professors be like, “you got a B on the final because you missed spotting the 3rd banana that fell from the plane after it crashed into the moon while it was headed to the train station carrying 5000 lbs of dynamite to use to blow up an old tanker ship full of cocunuts”

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Trojan Horse Syndrome

Definition: “The ability to have imposter syndrome without anxiety; i.e., the knowledge that even though you are incompetent, your firm is too busy to replace you”

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Wise men have said that “nothing beats the feeling of love”. Those men have never had IT recover a document that they thought they had was lost.

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Me: How do I file a motion?

Law School: Shut the fuck up and learn the rule against perpetuities

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When I meet an associate who tells me they enjoy Big Law, I know one of two things is true: (1) they’re a liar or (2) they have Stockholm syndrome.

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If she:
- keeps you up all night long
- makes you cancel all your other plans for her
- won’t let you stop thinking about her

that’s not your girl, that’s an IMAGINARY DEADLINE!

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Worst fictional places (in no particular order):

Azkaban Prison

Gotham City

Black Acre

Zombie Island (Scooby Doo Movie, the monsters were real)

[Only Associates @Only_associates]

Worst fictional places (in no particular order):

Azkaban Prison

Gotham City

Black Acre

Zombie Island (Scooby Do Movie, the monsters were real)

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1. Tell law students not to go to law school because the work life balance of lawyers sucks
2. Prospective law students listen and don’t go
3.

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Wears a suit to work✅
Misunderstood by society✅
Ready at all hours of the night✅
I’m Batman

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Here’s a little preview of the memes we’ll see when Joe Biden selects a Supreme Court nominee:

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After working in a law firm, I’ve found my body is capable of amazing things. For example, I no longer use an alarm clock. I now wake up from pure anxiety.