Victoria Sorenson

I'm not gonna change for anyone, I don't care what people think, because I am me, and proud of it.

[Suzanne Washer @DeboraSailer]

Did you hear about the cemetery that raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

[Ashlee Stallworth @BrianConcina]

I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane.

[Victoria Sorenson @Ortega3Mead]

Unnecessary censorship (gif) http://t.co/SwFK0nsKvs

[Sharon Whalen @CoteWendi]

TEACHER: What comes after 69? STUDENT: Mouthwash. TEACHER: Get out.

[Barbara Perez @BettyeBrasini]

Teacher: If you have 10 chocolate bars and someone asks for 4, how many do you have left? Me: 10

[Eva Kurtz @GretaFrom]

Ever looked at your bestfriend and thought "why aren't we comedians"?

[Victoria Sorenson @Ortega3Mead]

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

[Victoria Sorenson @Ortega3Mead]

The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, television, and tell a woman.

[Fern Barstow @KarwerSonya]

Don't give part-time people a full-time position in your life