PAT_E_ROCK

Fat, bald and I have a small dick, Emmy winning comedy writer @caspermartinez lets me write with him.

[PAT_E_ROCK @PAT_E_ROCK]

'We don't do drive by's, We do drive thru's' --The reason you don't see a lot of fat guys in gangs

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

"Wow, this blew up!" - Oppenheimer at the end of the movie

[PAT_E_ROCK @PAT_E_ROCK]

@ChloeBailey Dayum 🥵

[Stephen A Smith @stephenasmith]

Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh! I can’t WAIT until y’all see me on First Take tomorrow. Especially you @MichaelIrvin88! Oooh, Especially YOU!

[PAT_E_ROCK @PAT_E_ROCK]

Hopefully the NYR can end their losing streak against the DSNY!

[PAT_E_ROCK @PAT_E_ROCK]

@JoePontillo My dude!!! 😂🤣😂🤣

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Leonardo DiCaprio abruptly stops putting gas in his car's tank as soon as it reaches $24.99.

[PAT_E_ROCK @PAT_E_ROCK]

@JoePontillo 😂😂😂

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Toaster ovens go from "This will never be warm." to "This is now on fire!" within about 45 seconds.

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Every stand up clip now is titled something like 'Audience member goes to the bathroom during my set!???'

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

*Ordering drive-thru in NYC*

Me: I'll have one *train goes by* and two *people yelling* with a side of *music blasting* and a *police sirens*

*Restaurant closes due to rent increase*

[Joe Toplyn @JoeToplyn]

Today NASCAR announced that in July 2023 it'll hold its first-ever street race through downtown Chicago. That makes sense. With everything happening there, the only way to get through Chicago safely is to go 200 miles an hour.

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Kicked out of a museum for calling all the historical figures influencers.

[Joe Toplyn @JoeToplyn]

Gas in some places is over $5 a gallon. Gas is so expensive that now Uber has three service tiers: UberX, Uber Pool, and Uber Piggyback.

[Joe Toplyn @JoeToplyn]

The Rolling Stones had to postpone a concert today when Mick Jagger tested positive for Covid-19. It's really his own fault he got Covid-19. He said when he heard "19" he just had to have sex with it.

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Italians protesting outside of the Tony Awards until they change their name.

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

If it happened to Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle it could happen to you, comic who regularly performs for 5 people in a basement.

[Steven Cohen @StevenACohen2]

Who is in the mood for Mets baseball ?

[PAT_E_ROCK @PAT_E_ROCK]

@ilovepie84 😂😂😂

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

"A virus we can't see." Unlike all the other ones that are visibly walking down the street and tackling people.

[Joe Pontillo @JoePontillo]

Just moved a big rock and found 5 more comedians.