P. F. Cockfield III

Not your *real* mom

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@BelieveJail @carterhambley The confusion sets in, before the employee, can even flick the light

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@ThePollLady @elonmusk Free speech takes many forms. Respect the process.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@jackhough @JaxTrelly You can't just drop those sick "rugged and royalty-free" beats in the outro and leave us hanging! What was that song? (PS- thanks for your hard work, love the podcast)

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@REALknoworlater @dklim14 @NJGov Hudson politicians sold their star for personal financial gain, and the Essex star was stolen by the mob and has been lost to parts unknown.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@AOC “New Orleans wouldn’t have gotten hit with that hurricane if you’d just given me all the money that I wanted.” Thanks, Karen. Never let a good crisis go to waste.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@costarica1973 @AOC This x1000. It’s barely even worth talking about anything else. Nuclear.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@basherWA76 @KocaineKermit @AOC Actually the @WSJ said that California’s energy issues are, in part, from neglecting their infrastructure for — wait for it — adding expensive green energy, from state regulation

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@burntorangefox @Mikkelsen91 @Trackvolm2 @freecnic @TalbertSwan @realDonaldTrump @FBI Literally all of those things happened in most European and middle eastern countries at one time or another.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

"And I don't wanna be a motherfuckin' hero / I'm goin' off the grid like 3-7-0."
-new single from @kanyewest dropping this Nov. #Flight370

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

I've been trying to smoke more cigarettes lately. Some days are better than others.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

Thinking about having sex with a miner so I can say I've "had sex with a miner." Opener: *I* want to be the one stuck in a hole. #Blessed

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

I live in constant fear of accidentally sexting my mom.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@robdelaney They say "with great power comes great responsibility," but then how come I NEVER wrap up my hammer cock?

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

FACT: Girls with clear bra straps are four times more likely to be unwed mothers than non-whores.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@YKWDpodcast @robertkelly - PS: excellent work duuude

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@YKWDpodcast @robertkelly - Bobby you should retweet YKWD's tweet of YKWD's FB share of your own FB post... like fucking inception in here.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@nickkroll - I just gave your mom the ol' "San Fernando Hello." It was beautiful.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@Cosmopolitan I have athlete's foot and HPV. Sprayed my junk with @TinactinTime and put a magnum @TrojanConnects on my foot. Anything else?

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

@CentralParkNYC - Can you please make the park more dangerous? I can't get an erection without fear.

[P. F. Cockfield III @PFCockfield]

The scaffolding guy outside my window turned my masturbatorium into a living room this afternoon, but I #masturbatedanyway. #iendured