Patricia Debney

Writer/Survivor/Activist. Award-winning four poetry collections, novel. Next: memoir re Child Sexual Abuse LEAVING LOCUST AVENUE. Extracts in blog. 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

I am leaving X. Not deactivating, as my feed offers support. I am determined to keep having these conversations re #CSA & to help develop a community on another platform, one not within reach of Musk or Trump. We need each other. PLEASE GO FIND ME ON BLUESKY SOCIAL under my name.

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@DHLGlobal Hi there - I’ve done that! It’s automated, and my shipping number is not found. I need to speak with a person I think. There is no option on the number that leads to a person. And the contact form is not working at all! 😩 Doesn’t allow me to type. Help!

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@DHLGlobal the small parcel I sent from UK to Germany on 11 Nov appears to be lost. Arrived in Germany. Three delivery dates. One ‘delivery refusal’ (not true), went out again for delivery on Monday 18th, no attempt made, now showing ‘forwarding to branch’ for over 48 hrs. HELP!

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

Like much of the sane world, I’ve moved platforms. We are gathering survivors and allies over there with some speed. Come join! We need everyone. Absolutely everyone matters. #CSA #survivor

@patriciadebney.bsky.social

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

THIS

[Jane Chevous 💙💜⛵ @ReshapersCIC]

Now that ++Welby has "done the right thing" can we please turn our attention back to the people who really matter, the victims. Check in with any that you know. Ask them what they need. Listen & respect whatever is felt. Recognising this is just the start; this fixes nothing.

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@jomo14729 💪♥️

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@alicemydaughter I’ll find you. I moved over yesterday. ♥️

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@jomo14729 @AnnonSurvivor @TheFlyingChild @JonjayNeedham1 @VivGordonCo @PilgrimTeresa @ChaucerCameron @SNAPNetwork @ReshapersCIC @alice_hiller @BridportPrize @GutsPublishing @clarebest1 @ClareLavery6 @DrClaretheology @BirgitteUna @ShyKeenan @ejtayloruk @JacklenaB Great idea! Yes!

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

I am leaving X. Not deactivating, as my feed offers support. I am determined to keep having these conversations re #CSA & to help develop a community on another platform, one not within reach of Musk or Trump. We need each other. PLEASE GO FIND ME ON BLUESKY SOCIAL under my name.

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@clarebest1 @TheFlyingChild @jomo14729 @JonjayNeedham1 @VivGordonCo @PilgrimTeresa @ChaucerCameron @SNAPNetwork @ReshapersCIC @alice_hiller @BridportPrize @GutsPublishing @ClareLavery6 @DrClaretheology @AnnonSurvivor @BirgitteUna @ShyKeenan @ejtayloruk @jjbolter @JacklenaB Our usual synchronicity! We'll be starting from scratch there, so a challenge. But if we can send people there... It's safer.

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@VivGordonCo @TheFlyingChild @jomo14729 @JonjayNeedham1 @PilgrimTeresa @ChaucerCameron @SNAPNetwork @ReshapersCIC @alice_hiller @BridportPrize @GutsPublishing @clarebest1 @ClareLavery6 @DrClaretheology @AnnonSurvivor @BirgitteUna @ShyKeenan @ejtayloruk @jjbolter @JacklenaB Indeed. Love and solidarity right back. ♥️💪

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@VivGordonCo @TheFlyingChild @jomo14729 @JonjayNeedham1 @PilgrimTeresa @ChaucerCameron @SNAPNetwork @ReshapersCIC @alice_hiller @BridportPrize @GutsPublishing @clarebest1 @ClareLavery6 @DrClaretheology @AnnonSurvivor @BirgitteUna @ShyKeenan @ejtayloruk @jjbolter @JacklenaB Yes I hear you. I am doing a bad job with all of them at the moment. Threads for me has become more political rather than CSA (hashtags not allowed 🙄), so I guess they are at least distinct ?

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@jomo14729 @TheFlyingChild @JonjayNeedham1 @VivGordonCo @PilgrimTeresa @ChaucerCameron @SNAPNetwork @ReshapersCIC @alice_hiller @BridportPrize @GutsPublishing @clarebest1 @ClareLavery6 @DrClaretheology @AnnonSurvivor @BirgitteUna @ShyKeenan @ejtayloruk @jjbolter @JacklenaB Thank you Jo. Tell everyone you know. I suspect we are actually starting the community there -- I can't find any others in particular -- but the hashtags we use are allowed on there (unlike Threads), so that's a start. xxx

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@ejtayloruk Thank you so much. It's hard to leave! But there are other spaces. xxx

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@JonjayNeedham1 Thank you Jon. Please take care. And thank you for all you do. 💪

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

I'm also over on Instagram and Threads, and reachable via my website https://t.co/G7uRp1S78w

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@TamaraSearsUK Thank you. I just can't stay here. X will likely combine with Truth Social. My conviction not to be part of it has overridden the support and conversations here. :-( You can also find me via my website: https://t.co/G7uRp1S78w

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@Bob_Reflected Thank you Bob -- back at you. I'm also on Instagram and Threads, though the former is where the CSA stuff is more likely to appear.

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

@MarewaGlover These are incredibly useful resources. THANK YOU. We need this work so urgently. I’m grateful for your support. 💪

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

Right. Further update on this messy situation. The doctor was true to his holding email, and wrote a more fulsome note two days ago.

He thanked me profusely. He has in the meantime read The Body Keeps the Score, as I had suggested. I have made him think and reflect deeply. He recognises that my email to him will have taken a toll on me - which it did.

So. I may have altered his practice. A good thing. But the facts remain that 1) he said some jaw-droppingly insensitive and ignorant things, and 2) he seems to have known almost nothing about Child Sexual Abuse, caring for adult survivors, or trauma-informed care. He is a pain consultant.

I think he will now work to improve his practice. Fine. I feel no need to escalate this now. However: I am appalled at the general lack of training the whole experience reveals. I know this is not news to #CSA survivors. I feel driven to Do Something more substantial in this area of the country when it comes to medical care. I am fortunate to have a family member who is well connected medically here, and who is hugely supportive and keen to help. I’m taking a deep breath now - and will then start trying to make a difference. Slowly slowly. #traumainformed #medicalcare

[Patricia Debney @PatriciaDebney]

TW: details of a conversation which may be triggering for some survivors of #CSA or #SA or #DV.

I have a few chronic conditions (#hEDS, #MCAS, #osteoarthritis ), and deal with pain on a daily basis. I have a pain specialist I have been working with for a couple of years.

This week as part of a conversation about a small operation I had recently, I again disclosed my history of Child Sexual Abuse to him as he didn't seem to remember it. His reaction was appalling:

Me: I am a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse.
Him (not looking up, writing): What type?
Me (sharply): What do you mean what type?
Him (looking up briefly, then back down): I mean penetrative, or...?

[I was completely caught off guard. I am furious at myself, but I 'fawned'. I answered his questions.]

Me (again, sharply): Well he didn't rape me if that's what you're asking. He did everything else.
Him (still writing): But you've had lots of counselling? You're past it?
Me: It's not possible to be past it. You never get over it.
Him (finally looking up): No, of course. But you are managing it.
Me: Yes, I guess so.

Somehow I got through the rest of the appointment, fully dissociated. I smiled and waved goodbye.

In the car, I fell apart. Hugely, hugely triggered. Shaking. Tearful. And beside myself with fury. How dare he? Why did I respond? Why didn't I walk out?

Two days later I am more grounded. I wrote him an email outlining why his behaviour was so inappropriate. That there is no 'hierarchy' of severity for sexual abuse, that it is all equally horrific. I suggested he read The Body Keeps the Score, and that he undertake trauma informed care training. I said that most survivors would not be able to even mention that they had been abused. And that most survivors would leave with no explanation and never come back. I told him that it would take several days for me to regain equilibrium.

I also mentioned the stats around incidence and the higher rates of chronic and auto-immune conditions in survivors. And that as a pain specialist, he's likely to see these patients frequently. He has thus far not responded to my email.

HERE is the importance of #traumainformed care: if everyone is treated as if they may be carrying trauma -- with care and consideration -- then not only will crashing triggers be avoided, but it will not fall on #survivors to constantly do the labour of explaining, enduring their own re-traumatisation, while along the way being cast as 'other', or even, 'victim'.

PLEASE, those of you in the medical professions: be trauma-informed. One in six children is sexually abused. One in six adults is a survivor. TAKE SOME SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY! And be better. Just be better. #Medicine #medic #doctor @TheBMA