Writer/Survivor/Activist. Award-winning four poetry collections, novel. Next: memoir re Child Sexual Abuse LEAVING LOCUST AVENUE. Extracts in blog. 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
I am leaving X. Not deactivating, as my feed offers support. I am determined to keep having these conversations re #CSA & to help develop a community on another platform, one not within reach of Musk or Trump. We need each other. PLEASE GO FIND ME ON BLUESKY SOCIAL under my name.
@DHLGlobal Hi there - I’ve done that! It’s automated, and my shipping number is not found. I need to speak with a person I think. There is no option on the number that leads to a person. And the contact form is not working at all! 😩 Doesn’t allow me to type. Help!
@DHLGlobal the small parcel I sent from UK to Germany on 11 Nov appears to be lost. Arrived in Germany. Three delivery dates. One ‘delivery refusal’ (not true), went out again for delivery on Monday 18th, no attempt made, now showing ‘forwarding to branch’ for over 48 hrs. HELP!
Like much of the sane world, I’ve moved platforms. We are gathering survivors and allies over there with some speed. Come join! We need everyone. Absolutely everyone matters. #CSA#survivor@patriciadebney.bsky.social
Now that ++Welby has "done the right thing" can we please turn our attention back to the people who really matter, the victims. Check in with any that you know. Ask them what they need. Listen & respect whatever is felt. Recognising this is just the start; this fixes nothing.
I am leaving X. Not deactivating, as my feed offers support. I am determined to keep having these conversations re #CSA & to help develop a community on another platform, one not within reach of Musk or Trump. We need each other. PLEASE GO FIND ME ON BLUESKY SOCIAL under my name.
@TamaraSearsUK Thank you. I just can't stay here. X will likely combine with Truth Social. My conviction not to be part of it has overridden the support and conversations here. :-( You can also find me via my website: https://t.co/G7uRp1S78w
Right. Further update on this messy situation. The doctor was true to his holding email, and wrote a more fulsome note two days ago.
He thanked me profusely. He has in the meantime read The Body Keeps the Score, as I had suggested. I have made him think and reflect deeply. He recognises that my email to him will have taken a toll on me - which it did.
So. I may have altered his practice. A good thing. But the facts remain that 1) he said some jaw-droppingly insensitive and ignorant things, and 2) he seems to have known almost nothing about Child Sexual Abuse, caring for adult survivors, or trauma-informed care. He is a pain consultant.
I think he will now work to improve his practice. Fine. I feel no need to escalate this now. However: I am appalled at the general lack of training the whole experience reveals. I know this is not news to #CSA survivors. I feel driven to Do Something more substantial in this area of the country when it comes to medical care. I am fortunate to have a family member who is well connected medically here, and who is hugely supportive and keen to help. I’m taking a deep breath now - and will then start trying to make a difference. Slowly slowly. #traumainformed #medicalcare
TW: details of a conversation which may be triggering for some survivors of #CSA or #SA or #DV.
I have a few chronic conditions (#hEDS, #MCAS, #osteoarthritis ), and deal with pain on a daily basis. I have a pain specialist I have been working with for a couple of years.
This week as part of a conversation about a small operation I had recently, I again disclosed my history of Child Sexual Abuse to him as he didn't seem to remember it. His reaction was appalling:
Me: I am a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse.
Him (not looking up, writing): What type?
Me (sharply): What do you mean what type?
Him (looking up briefly, then back down): I mean penetrative, or...?
[I was completely caught off guard. I am furious at myself, but I 'fawned'. I answered his questions.]
Me (again, sharply): Well he didn't rape me if that's what you're asking. He did everything else.
Him (still writing): But you've had lots of counselling? You're past it?
Me: It's not possible to be past it. You never get over it.
Him (finally looking up): No, of course. But you are managing it.
Me: Yes, I guess so.
Somehow I got through the rest of the appointment, fully dissociated. I smiled and waved goodbye.
In the car, I fell apart. Hugely, hugely triggered. Shaking. Tearful. And beside myself with fury. How dare he? Why did I respond? Why didn't I walk out?
Two days later I am more grounded. I wrote him an email outlining why his behaviour was so inappropriate. That there is no 'hierarchy' of severity for sexual abuse, that it is all equally horrific. I suggested he read The Body Keeps the Score, and that he undertake trauma informed care training. I said that most survivors would not be able to even mention that they had been abused. And that most survivors would leave with no explanation and never come back. I told him that it would take several days for me to regain equilibrium.
I also mentioned the stats around incidence and the higher rates of chronic and auto-immune conditions in survivors. And that as a pain specialist, he's likely to see these patients frequently. He has thus far not responded to my email.
HERE is the importance of #traumainformed care: if everyone is treated as if they may be carrying trauma -- with care and consideration -- then not only will crashing triggers be avoided, but it will not fall on #survivors to constantly do the labour of explaining, enduring their own re-traumatisation, while along the way being cast as 'other', or even, 'victim'.
PLEASE, those of you in the medical professions: be trauma-informed. One in six children is sexually abused. One in six adults is a survivor. TAKE SOME SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY! And be better. Just be better. #Medicine #medic #doctor @TheBMA