The Attery Squash

I'm a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter much like yourself

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@DeathlyAcorn Last time I bled A LOT in pregnancy in a (gender-neutral!) loo at work, I was mainly concerned if I was miscarrying again (amazingly, no!)

'How on earth am I going to get this stall clean?' was 2nd place.

The existence/proximity of trans people did not worry me, then or ever.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@stephan19573 @Declassified66 Fair enough!

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@stephan19573 @Declassified66 I live in Devon. I am familiar with scones.

Quite tempted to make some treacle scones now, tbh 🥣❤️

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@bertram_the_mom When I'm 60 I'll have a 17yo and a 12yo, if you want to really blow her mind 🤯

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@EliMcCann One of the glasses ones

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@GWRHelp @JamieJo86909968 Given that when you book you have to option to say you want to be in the quiet carriage, or that you don't have a preference, those of us travelling with children who would very much prefer NOT to be in the thing are pretty stuffed, really.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@AmazonHelp No. I have made a good faith effort to resolve this error which has absolutely nothing to do with me but I do not have the time (or, indeed, the devices) to continue, sorry. Have a lovely rest of your day.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@AmazonUK a parcel has been delivered that's addressed to my house but to an unknown person. What do you want doing with it?

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@AmazonHelp That is a link to install an app.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@AmazonHelp PM isn't working. I am not going to expend much more effort on this.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@AmazonHelp That is literally not what I said happened. I have someone else's parcel, addressed to my house. I do not know the person named. Shall I just bin it, or what?

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@AmazonHelp a parcel has been delivered that's addressed to my house but to an unknown person. What do you want doing with it?

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

Dear designers of dresses for babies: ENOUGH WITH THE SHOULDER FLOUNCES. PUT THE BRODERIE ANGLAISE DOWN AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@PseudoJonathan I see that and raise you eating ice-cream in the bath. Seems like it would be lovely, actually a really weird clash of temperatures.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@janedazey @the_fakeRed I mean she's not wrong

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@McDonaldsUK shout-out to your Crediton branch who were SUPER helpful with a bit of creative thinking when a menu item wasn't available this evening. I have a very happy small child!

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

I don't actually believe you, Tesco.

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@noyeahobviously My boobs. (And I also don't want to.)

[The Attery Squash @Persipan]

@VictoriaCoren When I told my 2yo son that our cat had been found after going missing for several weeks he immediately replied 'we must fetch him at once!'