Petty Jones

I've got moves like Keith Richards. Hello? Is this thing on?

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

I once met a woman with real eyebrows

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

Much to my surprise, not only is it my circus but those ARE my monkeys!

[ChiChi Greenblatt @ChiChiGreenblat]

Sometimes you just gotta get down with the get down.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

Less violence more breakfast burritos.

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

@jennyred85 Well, hello... I mean "hi"

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

If at first you don't succeed, you should probably just give up and go grab a cocktail to celebrate trying

[karen says... @karenab32]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Book Tweeters @TheBookTweeters]

Looking for a humorous sci-fi book to make you laugh out loud? Go check out The Last of the Elvis Ninja Robots! A new hilarious science fiction adventure #scificomedy #funnybooks #elvisninjarobots
https://t.co/lmldvR77rx ___-

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

Some people are so righteous that they're wrong

[Jude D @heyitsJudeD]

Oh, I was meant to be full of whimsy but here I am just full of gin. Again

[L 🇨🇦 @Ann_Hedonia1]

Neither up nor at ‘em

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

I could use a good laugh

[Michael Stephens @MStephensAuthor]

9 out of 10 scientists agree, a lol book is good for the soul! Get my new sci-fi comedy, The Last of the Elvis Ninja Robots!

(the other scientist was busy building something nefarious in his basement and couldn’t be reached for comment)

https://t.co/bNNCHxlnHs

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

Peacock

@peacock you can stop flashing your logo at the beginning and end of every replay. Thank you

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

How do you do a before and after if you only have the after picture?

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

@amentalrecess Lord Huron, @LordHuron all the way

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

Baby chickadee's first flight

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

Has anybody ever even seen a wazoo??

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

Ok Twitter, answer me this

What's the difference between a pool boy and a cabana boy?

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

Carl says creativity comes in a glass.

I'll drink to that

[Petty Jones @PettyJones]

@Kica333 Is that a trick question?