•phoebe•

[helia @ItsEliane]

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me

[sally darr @sallydarr]

libbed out so hard I forgot that men at their very core hate women

[Work Retire Die @WorkRetireDie]

me after hearing the new hire was born in 2003

[🤍 @tleighmedia]

I cannot believe there was a time in my life when I would party all night and go to work like 3 hours later. Insane

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

sorry my room's a mess i got ready to go out one time seven months ago

[haley 🦋 @greateststarr]

“nobody is looking at all 20 photos” nothing brings me more joy than scrolling through my own instagram posts, one photo or 20

[lil arab @sweatyhairy]

i can deal with trials but tribulations got me fucked up

[k @krownnist]

“false rape cases are ruining men’s lives” my brother in christ even real rape cases aren’t ruining men’s lives

[ēdē @theidi_]

Im jealous how often the ladies of sex and the city got to link up and have girl time

[Dimes Square Degenerate @EBITDAddyLBO]

Phew, thought it was the 14 dirty martinis

[Debbie Downer @ANGELBABYBITTY]

Checking in on my nintendogs (hinge likes)

[cas says free palestine @CrappyFumes]

Asking for a sick day feels so infantalizing, composing a professional email to be like “I frew up”

[ten second cam @camilli_amilli]

three wise men? three? be serious

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

times are desperate and i’m starting to need a little treat after my little treat

[michaels @happynormalboy]

please don’t take my horse piece in chess i like him

[trash jones @jzux]

“you already told that story” oh so you hate recycling

[maia @mxmtoon]

not even gonna lie, sometimes it’s fun to hang out with the girlies and fail the bechdel test

[tatyana ;) @tatbaee]

i b watching my own story like ok, what is she up to next

[your local atheist @versacebigmac]

pickles are great til you’re in one