Karl Pilkington Quotes

Account dedicated to posting quotes from the round-headed genius that is Karl Pilkington

[Karl Pilkington @KarlPilkinquote]

If your brain was in your foot it would take you ages to say anything #karlpilkington

[Karl Pilkington @KarlPilkinquote]

We've had the Iron Age, the Stone Age... this is the Pissing About Age. #karlpilkington

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

Ricky Gervais: I think the oldest man in the world is Chinese, 120!
Karl Pilkington: He says hes 120. Hes probably about 40.

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"They just age overnight, its like a pear"

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

Karl Pilkington: Uh.. Chinese.
Ricky Gervais: What do you mean? They age better than us?
Karl Pilkington: No, they age worse than us.
Ricky Gervais: Whats that based on?
Karl Pilkington: Just when you see 'em

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"No, you never see sort of a 35 year-old one"

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"How can you freeze time?"

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"Familiar with the phrase.. monkey business?"

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

".. tried it on with his wife."

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"He had a chimp. Um.. had to thump it in the head."

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"If the hairdressers got a good haircut, go to where he's goin"

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

Karl Pilkington: Its doin' a uhh.. webchat or something. You can go online and have a chat with it.
Stephen Merchant: The monkeys doing a webchat?
Karl Pilkington: ... Yeah.

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"Monkeys sat there, typing 'This isn't a practical joke. My name is Marty.'"

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"Apparently a lot of, um.. letters and stuff aren't getting to where they're meant to be getting 'cus snails are crawling into letter boxes and eating stamps."

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"I'm not a good cook, so I always get like, an Indian in."

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"Today we're gonna find out.. if we really need jellyfish."

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"They had bison on it. The weirdest looking things you've ever seen."

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

Ricky Gervais: But do you need the lizard?
Karl Pilkington: Well yes, because the local people made shoes out of 'em.
Ricky Gervais: But not with the scorpion protecting they didn't!
Karl Pilkington: Alright we don't need 'em then.

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"Jellyfish, I looked into, because they were talking about 'em.. and um, they were saying they've got no eyes, no heart. They're something like 97% water. They're blind, and they do about 33 miles a day. So it's like.. do we need them? Can we clear them out?"

[Karl Pilkington Quotes @PilkingtonQuote]

"Well I like whales, but I don't know what they do. And they've taken up quite a lot of room."