Legendary

I don't need 140 characters to say Fuck you....

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I wish my microwave had a 'stealth mode' so the people I'm living with don't know I'm having a midnight snack.

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Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it wont stop...So you just awkwardly walk away like nothing happened.

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I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

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Shoutout for meee??? pls

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They should make Mondays illegal.

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@HookedOnMaslow shoutout? ^^

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I wish women were like hockey...Only twenty minute periods.

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@funnymatt shoutout :DD ??

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Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.

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@Baranetz thanks ^^

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What time is it? its twitterTime

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100 calorie packs aren't so bad if you have 3 or 4 of them.

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When I'm bored I send a text to a random number saying 'I hid the body.' or 'I'm pregnant.'

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I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

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Sex is like high school...you miss a period and you're in trouble.

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If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question.

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Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.

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They changed the name to 'Facebook' because 'Stalk My Ex' seemed a little too creepy.

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I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.

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If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that saves people.