Malik

“It was me! your dead son!”

[Lil Woadie @iHateYeahTeriq]

Just asked this Asian girl at the gym “who in here know Ricky Tan”. They kicking me out as I type.

[❥ hazel ︻デ═一 @BluebriarArts]

apple maps “best route” tried to take me to subway through a RESTRICTED MILITARY ZONE and I only noticed because of a sign saying “your gps is wrong, turn around now”

[K S B @KeyserSozeBluth]

My kid thought she came up with a cute nickname for raccoons 🙃 No little white baby, you can’t be saying that.

[NickCucc @NickCucc]

Just finished Kingdom hearts 2 that shit was unbelievable peak

[bum @BattleRapBum]

son said

[Morpheu @MorpheuTK]

O emulador travou mas o jogo continuou rodando, fechei o olho e naveguei o menu até salvar só usando a memória

[HurtboxTV | MS-623 EWGF Custom Type @HurtboxTV]

@geoffstop >Dude get's thrown for the 3rd time in a row
>"I FUCKING TECH THAT THROW YOU FA-"
>player gets thrown out of proximity chat range

Shit would be funny as fuck

[geoff! @geoffstop]

They need to make proximity chat for fighting games where your opponent can only hear you if you're in the middle grabbing them

[Anisa Ackerman🖤 @anisatweets]

I was there

[fagrafinya 🔻🇵🇸🇸🇩🇨🇩🇺🇦🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🔻 @BiLeapForward]

pakistan is a bullshit factory that needs to be studied

[PENNY ﾒ𝟶 ™️ @xlucidpennyx]

My coworker told me he hasn’t got a raise after everyone got theirs. I told him “closed mouths don’t get fed” he went to hr and they fired him. He didn’t get a raise because he was supposed to be fired and they forgot

[Tri-fecta™️(new page) @thurgood_stubbz]

Went to jail for a few nights and farted and somebody yelled out “sounds like my size” on my first night never committed a crime again

[𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐝𝐮𝐬 @ImperiumFirst]

Nigga looks straight out of Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Fawf @Fawf_iguess]

my wife smoked when she was pregnant and now our son’s eyes have to flip up from his head like a miata

[006’🩸 @lil60s1]

hamburger help her

[Waynehead👨🏾‍🦲 @ApplaudAhhJones]

Yo soul left yo body just like this

[LynnToku @ home 😭 @Im_Just_Lynn]

the movie theater employee watching you do a flashkick with a full bucket

[//Rice Cutta// @RICECUTTA0]

The person I saw resident evil with said “that’s a biohazard” when the protag touched someone’s blood

[Paige @GRUGCEL]

drove a car without power steering for like 4 years and it felt like this