Poppy

⚡️

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

⁦@lyft⁩ ⁦@AskLyft⁩ Can you help my sister get her very pricey fob key from this driver’s car? Her cell # is 602-505-7534
In the words of Sammy from Jersey Shore “HAAAAAALP”
Thank u

[neen @neenaab3]

Your son made me take plan b after we hooked up but carry on

[bobby @bobby]

it's so nice to have a normal brain. you get to think stuff like "the green pear tastes sweet" or "the red car goes fast" instead of whatever this is.

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

My coworker told me she’s never met a grown man that doesn’t love a good choco milk and I thought she was being stupid until I realized oh my god every Saturday my dad would vigorously whisk a nesquik choco milk like his life depended on it

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

Imagine having the career and lifestyle of a Rolling Stone but the thing that gets you in the hospital is getting bonked on the head by a coconut

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

Oh so THATS your fucking mouth. Okay okay okay just give me a couple days just give me a couple days- me and all my coworkers rn in our heads

[megan @chismosavirus]

if i don't buy a little treat (coffee, tea, boba, or small snack) for myself every day i will literally die

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

I have a family friend who in a fight couldn’t get the keys from her husband to his weapon closet so she settled for stealing his pralines and all the remotes.

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

My sister only calls me when she’s window shopping so these are our conversations “no yeah you definitely need to ask for a raise like times up- hiii omg is this place new? Are you guys like a candle shop? Cute.”
“I want Gadzooks”
“Yeah it’s rainy here too”

[not your belldandy @briarhoes]

I hope the woman who forgot the word “iced” and so asked me for a caramel macchiato “on the rocks” yesterday is doing well

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

If I had a dollar for every time @mamsarinos called me a cunt on my family trip in front of my mother I’d have about 17 dollars

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

[girlfriend rally]

Speaker: WHAT DO WE WANT!?

Crowd: UP TO YOU!!!

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

One time I got to leave school early in 4th grade because my house got robbed and I bragged about it to my entire class while my distraught dad stood at the classroom door waiting for dip shit Anjelica to put on her poo bear backpack

[Cher @cher]

Ok, GOING TO WORKOUT.
WHILE IM GONE, EVERYONE SEARCH 4 THEIR INNER CHILD.

[Meelz 💪🏾 @MeelzTV]

Me remembering some shit I was supposed to do on April 23rd on May 7th. https://t.co/uFb1yv8kLK

[Poppy @PopdogTrul]

@MadamShea That’s actually a thing people say instead of sounds good so it kinda worked

[Austin J. Clements @ClementsAustinJ]

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

--my 2yo, clear as a bell, in the middle of PetSmart, upon seeing a snake in real life for the first time