Patty Garcia

Giving you the opportunity to regret asking what I'm thinking about

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

.@PacificPower_OR: As a rate-paying customer, I'm outraged your lobbyists at @Edison_Electric attempted to block @EPA's common-sense limits on power plant pollution. Stop using money from MY energy bill to kill critical climate action. #UtilityMomentofTruth

[Danny DeVito @DannyDeVito]

Supreme Court my ass

[Reverend Raphael Warnock @ReverendWarnock]

RT if you believe the Senate must act to protect voting rights no matter what.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

Sundays are for meal prep and existential dread

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

Payless shoes really had us out there living that four stripe life.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

@ididathing1 Hear me out. A skip-it, but with a chainsaw at the end.

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

This election is about so much more than @JoeBiden or me. It’s about the soul of America and our willingness to fight for it. We have a lot of work ahead of us. Let’s get started.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

This mask is really interfering with my casual snacking.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

The real reason you're not supposed to get cast iron skillets wet is because they're made of Gremlins™.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

When I wake up late for work, I make up the time with a combination of good hygiene, careful driving, and obeying all posted speed limits.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

I thought I had a chip in my windshield, but it turned out to be a dead bug. Well, it was an alive bug until I hit it with the wiper while investigating the chip situation.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

Sometimes I forget to put my yogurt in the fridge when I get to work, so when I see it on my desk 5-6 hours later, I play a little game called, "yogurt roulette," where I eat it and see if I get food poisoning.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

Sunday crossword in pen?

No thanks, Monday crossword in crayon is more my speed.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

Whenever someone says a number in a year format, I think it's funny to say, "that's the year I was born." 1982, 1856, 1645, doesn't matter.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

Does everyone leave their shoes pre-tied because sometimes while you're concentrating on tying them you drool a little bit, or is that just me?

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

Do you think the most embarrassing moment of your life has already happened, or do you think it's still coming?

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

I just saw a lady carrying a baby and pushing a stroller full of 2 cases of Coors Light.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

I have 5 sets of measuring cups, but 0 complete sets. That's why I need all 5.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

If your urine smells like coffee, does that mean you're drinking too much coffee, or just the right amount? Asking for a friend.

[Patty Garcia @PortaPatty1989]

I physically can't wink without opening my mouth