Postdoc Malone

I'm on Twitter because someone decided that all academics, like, really should be. He/ (do I really need to list all 3 pronouns?) Asexual.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

I’m really wishing I hadn’t agreed to do things.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@DavidBahry @SwipeWright Still waiting for you to answer the very simple question. I don't see any numbers in any of your responses.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@rachzuck Yes.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@KateHeeChoi I would never have dreamed of asking a question like this when I was looking for grad advisors!! But, granted, I have a very low opinion of myself and don’t think I deserve respect or decency from people, so it might just be me.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@DrAndreaHoward @ryleeoram @AcademicChatter Is that true? My anecdotal experience is that the students who have asked for grade bumps have been predominantly white women, but they also make up the majority of students in the bio courses I’ve taught, so it seems like an artefact. I would be interested to see data about it.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

I’m triggered by pet pics. Please don’t post any.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@TedPavlic Yeah, I haven’t figured out a good way to say, “had a great weekend of whiskey and hating myself!”

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

How come no one will talk about the one-body problem in academia? #AcademicChatter

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@WhySharksMatter Glad I signed up for this workshop. Now I’ll finally know what it looks like when someone replies to a tweet.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@nativeminnow I’m in love with you.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@dayannib_ @AcademicChatter I’m hot.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

I took a non-liquid shit today. I’m posting this in hopes that 200K people will like and retweet their support. I’ll be sure to comment by promoting a mixtape or something.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@ramencult Every time I do outreach events for children I always make sure to tell this to male children who want to be scientists when they grow up. These kids need to know their time is up!

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

Whenever I do outreach, if a little boy comes up to me and tells me he wants to be a scientist when he grows up I make sure to tell him, “Your time is up. We’ve had enough of you.”

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

Your friends like your pets more than they like you. Think on that.

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

Parenthood is a choice, right? Alcoholism is a disease, right? So how come we have so much sympathy for people with young children right now, but people with hangovers should have made smarter choices last night?

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

@JeneaIA Computational biologists reading this tweet: “What’s a dinosaur?”

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

Calling someone “Badass” is just code for “good, for a woman”. It’s lazy, pandering, and deceptively insulting. If you want to amplify someone, stop defaulting to calling them a “badass” and say something real and personal. @AcademicChatter

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

If you get COVID, do you hope you die?

[Postdoc Malone @PostdocMalone]

Does the vastness of the universe ever make you just want to throw up?