Precious Lumpkin

The cutest of all the buttons. Rawr. Instagram - preciouslumpkin

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

@sludgesage Stop bragging. I’m so lonely *sobbing*

[Midnight Cowboy 🇺🇸 @cowboyjeffkent]

It's not up to someone else to make you feel good, that's what alcohol is for

[Jon Savitt @savittj]

reminder: your ex definitely 100% wants you to come back into their life via a generic merry christmas text

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

Ah, McFrappe... when you're an adult, but you really want a milkshake for breakfast.

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. I don't know exactly what my problem is, but it's serious.

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

I'm such a loveable, little bitch.

[Just4funsa @Just4funsa]

Holding someone down in bed is what lovers do. Holding someone down in a tub of water is what married people do...

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

Forget Bruce Lee's fists of fury, I have tits of rage.

[transfer portal taylor @bodybycheezits]

minivans have all that extra space for the ass you're not getting

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

I'm not sure if you should be proud of me for having morals or disappointed in me for letting my sex life get this sad.

[Love, Me @Dear_Booze]

Dashing through the snow, drinking along the way, gotta get, to the liquor store, before they close today.

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

I never thought I'd say "I want my little boobs back" and be referring to DDD's.

[Martial @Martial1007]

Friends w/ benefits < Friends w/ back scratches

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

The best thing about breast feeding is the little clips in my bras so I can get my boobs out real fast in an emergency.

[Bing Bing @smurfetteB]

I feel like I'm an R-rated character stuck in a PG movie

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

Remember that episode of Family Guy when Stewie walks around saying, "Mommy?!" until Lois loses her shit? Having a toddler for real is worse

[Precious Lumpkin @PreciousLumpkin]

I would one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...

[Jon Savitt @savittj]

me: sunday nights are relaxing & my life is great

me to me: everything is awful have a mental breakdown