Preston the Futon

Greetings, I'm Preston. I'm a Futon. I enjoy a good professional steam cleaning as much as the next guy.

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@Adweek @havasnyc @harrybeeenyc I can't text. I'm a futon. Sorry. But I have lots of great ideas. You probably don't hire futons anyway. You probably only hire fancy humans with chaise lounges and ottomans.

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

Apparently my owner is "freelancing" which I guess just means he has more time to sit around and fart on me. Help me @Febreze_Fresh

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

So it turns out my owner isn't selling me. I'm still here. #phew

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@lindsayerinday @LuvChesterfield Do you love futons too!!

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

I have a bad feeling. My owner started taking pics of me. I'm sensing I might be posted on @craigslist and be on the way out soon. :-(

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

My owner slept on Roberta last night. I'm not sure why he didn't sleep on his bed, or on me, but I feel disrespected. #futonproblems

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@lindsayerinday @kerisnyd ruin. 100% ruin. And lead to obesity, excessive diarrhea and loss of friends.

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

I really wish my owner had the decency to take off his @newbalance kicks before lounging on me. So disrespectful right?! #futonproblems

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

So sorry friends. My @twitter account was hacked. Sorry if you got spam from me. #whowouldhackafuton

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@beerpongsong https://t.co/RqePnu49au

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@coreywi15500673 https://t.co/4d7wEgUZpL

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@france4hillary https://t.co/X9wdG6kZlP

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@blinnik_liza https://t.co/XvJNjBC6qA

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@bryansarner https://t.co/8PWt4Ft16w

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@loyatyaveent1 https://t.co/aBVCWMvZbH

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@barevaluation https://t.co/RYlLNFbJps

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@nickybert1 https://t.co/DZ3wtVaLdc

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@ampcaddyspeaker https://t.co/wTN9EeIMl7

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@alispagnola https://t.co/mnke8MbGpL

[Preston the Futon @PrestonTheFuton]

@katielynn_nyc https://t.co/omKIejF3np