Let me give you married couples and serious partners a piece of advice. If you like ignore cos it is coming from someone who is single:
No matter what misunderstanding you have with your significant other, be mindful of reporting them to your family. In 9 out of 10 cases, family will support family and the way you paint your spouse/partner to your family will determine how much respect they will give them, in public or in private.
Remember that misunderstandings are temporary (especially if you both genuinely love eachother ans intend to stick together). Don’t give in to the heat of the moment and report them to your siblings/family out of anger.
Pause, breathe and process, knowing that it is all a moment that will pass but yhat impression you have created in the minds of your family who will always try to look out for you, might never change and reversing it sometimes might be difficult.
Remember this at all times if you love them. Fix things internally as best as you can. Misunderstandings are inevitable but temporary. Impressions are lasting.
I recommend using absence to gain your respect back.
I recommend giving a girl your number instead of asking for hers. If she likes you, she will text you.
I recommend building your body, especially your shoulders. You'd be surprised how much more attractive you look with a better frame.
I recommend putting people in their place at the very first sign of disrespect.
I recommend not chasing people. Pay attention to who chooses you.
I recommend leaving rooms where you constantly have to prove your worth.
I recommend being honest from the beginning. Pretending is exhausting.
I recommend saving money before people know you're making money.
I recommend letting people underestimate you.
I recommend taking pictures and videos of your parents more often.
Major cheat code for life: Assume good things are still ahead. You are not behind. You are not too late. You are not disqualified by your past. One new season can change the entire story. Keep showing up with belief. The best chapters are often written after the hardest ones.
Major cheat code for life: Become difficult to rush. The world will pressure you to rush into everything. Rushed decisions. Rushed conversations. Rushed relationships. Rushed timelines. There's immense power in rejecting that trend. Slow down. Create space to think clearly.
As a partner to somebody and parent to somebody, some things should naturally give you joy to do.
Looking after your child. Giving your child a bath, changing nappies, feeding them, playing/spending time with them. Driving them to school. You should be happy to cook for your family, you should clean up your home, you live in it with your family. You should be happy to drive your partner to the airport to bid them off and be happy to pick them up. If you have one car, you should be happy to drop them off at work and pick them up - in view of convenience. You should be happy to invest your finances to the family so you can pay bills conveniently and plan your investments together. The list is endless but being marriage simply means doing life together. It is a merger not an adoption or acquisition.
You need to do away with that "you're a man" and "you're a woman" nonsense. You're an adult and adulthood comes with personal responsibility. You are somebody's wife/husband and that comes with responsibility. You're somebody's parent and that comes with responsibility.
Being a woman is not an excuse to be financially useless in the family. Being a man is not an excuse why you cannot give your baby a bath and change nappies. All of these things should naturally happen with joy. You should be able to do these things individually as a bachelor and spinster, so when you commit to each other, you do them together.
Marriage is not rocket science. You are just deliberately evil to your partner and irresponsible to your home.
Being TOTALLY plain and open-minded with everyone is an admirable human trait meant ONLY for realms where you have people who are just like you, not for a realm like this earth where not everyone is happy for you as the good, bad and ugly dwell side by side.
Do not tell everything that is in your heart out. That is not being dishonest, it is being wise, it is called self preservation.
I finally understand what Machiavelli meant when he said, “Never play fair in a game where others cheat.” It doesn’t mean become evil. It means stop being naive. Stop bringing honesty to people who study manipulation, stop giving access to people who weaponize closeness, and stop expecting clean hands from people who already showed you they’ll throw dirt. Sometimes wisdom is not revenge. Sometimes wisdom is learning the rules of the room before the room uses your goodness against you.