Get married & have kids so instead of hitting the bars on the weekend you can sort through a large pile of single socks & get really excited when you find matches.
I am prepared for the hate, but I can’t stand it any longer and I just have to say something!
This whole fake/micro bladed/powdered/drawn on/or any other type of eyebrow looks absolutely ridiculous. You look like you’re trying WAY too hard. I can’t even!
UGH!
#nautraleyebrowsftw
Why is it when I forego my usual laziness and leave my hair down- people always ask me if I got my hair cut...
It’s usually in a ponytail, so if it’s down, it’s significantly longer than usual.
Not shorter.
Longer.
#smh#ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmm
@h0tmessmama My heart goes out to you. My last baby was weaned by Dr’s recommendation in order to solve some physiological issues I was having. I gave myself a week to wean, cried the whole time, and wept at the last feeding. It was such a special time. Weaning earlier than you want is hard.
Getting older sucks. My hubby has said “I think I need to take one of those blue pills” more than once in public recently. I’m dying inside ‘cause I know he’s talking about Aleve, but all the folks in the store probably think he can’t get it up. 🤣
I’m thinking about fitting in a cat-nap.
On one hand, the kids have been playing happily all afternoon. On the other hand, my in laws are coming for dinner in 15 minutes.
I’m basically doomed.
@LittleMissLizz I sat here staring at your thighs for far too long, looking for anything noteworthy. All I got out of that was thigh envy. You are adorbs. Anyone who says otherwise is blind.
I’ve just realized that my disillusionment about how lovely it would be to have children stems from thinking that my children would behave like Tiny Tim. Instead, they’re more like a random assortment of kids from A Christmas Story. 🤦🏻♀️
<walking through a parking lot with my kids>
9yo: “Winter’s so lame without snow”
Random lady we passed: “No it’s not; it’s fine!!”
Just in case you were wondering, the Grinch is real!
#MYOB#lightenup#Christmasspirit
5yo: How do moms get the chemical from the dad to make a baby?
Me: You mean sperm? The dad puts it in the mom.
5: How does it get in there?
Me: He puts his penis in the mom.
5: Ewww. That’s disgusting!
Me: Yeah, well. It does the job.
While investigating the infestation of fruit flies in our house we found a forgotten squash in the pantry.
Apparently when squash rots it smells uncannily like teenaged boy feet, which is a common scent here.
Clearly I’ve become immune to the stench which is worse than flies.