Punchy Mama

Life is grate; might as well be cheesy!

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

Half of surviving the cold months is finding creative ways to wipe your runny nose without anyone noticing when you’ve run out of tissue.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

@Stephie_Lark

[Mommy Needs a Life @momneedsalife3]

Get married & have kids so instead of hitting the bars on the weekend you can sort through a large pile of single socks & get really excited when you find matches.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

Yesterday: the World Wide Web turned 30.
Today: Google, Facebook, and Instagram are glitching out hardcore.
This is my life in a nutshell!
#welcometoyour30s #lifesucksafter30 #glitchingout #panicmode

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

I am prepared for the hate, but I can’t stand it any longer and I just have to say something!
This whole fake/micro bladed/powdered/drawn on/or any other type of eyebrow looks absolutely ridiculous. You look like you’re trying WAY too hard. I can’t even!
UGH!
#nautraleyebrowsftw

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

Why is it when I forego my usual laziness and leave my hair down- people always ask me if I got my hair cut...
It’s usually in a ponytail, so if it’s down, it’s significantly longer than usual.
Not shorter.
Longer.
#smh #ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmm

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

@h0tmessmama My heart goes out to you. My last baby was weaned by Dr’s recommendation in order to solve some physiological issues I was having. I gave myself a week to wean, cried the whole time, and wept at the last feeding. It was such a special time. Weaning earlier than you want is hard.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

@h0tmessmama Not sure if I’m doing this right, but:
https://t.co/KK88omIQWp

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

Getting older sucks. My hubby has said “I think I need to take one of those blue pills” more than once in public recently. I’m dying inside ‘cause I know he’s talking about Aleve, but all the folks in the store probably think he can’t get it up. 🤣

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

@DadandBuried Peanut butter, cream cheese, and jam sandwich with sliced banana in the middle. Om nom nom nom!!!

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

I’m thinking about fitting in a cat-nap.

On one hand, the kids have been playing happily all afternoon. On the other hand, my in laws are coming for dinner in 15 minutes.

I’m basically doomed.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

@LittleMissLizz I sat here staring at your thighs for far too long, looking for anything noteworthy. All I got out of that was thigh envy. You are adorbs. Anyone who says otherwise is blind.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

I’ve just realized that my disillusionment about how lovely it would be to have children stems from thinking that my children would behave like Tiny Tim. Instead, they’re more like a random assortment of kids from A Christmas Story. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

Yessiree! I learned that lesson the hard way!

[Dad Fiction @DadFiction]

When you find a 2 month old sippy cup of milk in your car, just throw it away. DO NOT TRY AND WASH IT!

Please Just Throw It Away.

#parenting
#dadlife

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

<walking through a parking lot with my kids>

9yo: “Winter’s so lame without snow”

Random lady we passed: “No it’s not; it’s fine!!”

Just in case you were wondering, the Grinch is real!

#MYOB #lightenup #Christmasspirit

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

It’s amazing how interested my boys were in watching The Nutcracker, right up until he transformed into a man. 🤣
Toys 👍
Rats👍
Fighting 👍
Romance 👎

[Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard]

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is definitely the catchiest song about how some people only love you because of what you can do for them.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

5yo: When I’m married I’m gunna put my penis in the mom over and over and make lots of babies!

Me:

(I guess he got over his disgust!)

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

5yo: How do moms get the chemical from the dad to make a baby?

Me: You mean sperm? The dad puts it in the mom.

5: How does it get in there?

Me: He puts his penis in the mom.

5: Ewww. That’s disgusting!

Me: Yeah, well. It does the job.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

While investigating the infestation of fruit flies in our house we found a forgotten squash in the pantry.

Apparently when squash rots it smells uncannily like teenaged boy feet, which is a common scent here.

Clearly I’ve become immune to the stench which is worse than flies.

[Punchy Mama @Punchymama]

So much truth!

[Julie Burton @ksujulie]

[2004]

Him: I do.
Me: I do.

Narrator: And from that day forward, he never had to shop or wrap another gift for his mother, father, or brother.