Brandon Rent

I can and will grow a mustache when I deem necessary

[Wisconsin DOT @WisconsinDOT]

Zipper merge in work zones. It’s safe, it’s easy and it can reduce traffic backups. Stay in your lane until you are prompted to merge. At the merge point, take alternating turns with other drivers to merge into a single lane of traffic – like a zipper. #ZipperMerge

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

I’ll never forget where I was when I learned that the Choco-Taco was being discontinued. This is a sad day for our country.

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

My dad ate a dry packet of instant oatmeal “as a snack.” According to his reports, it was a lot of work and he did not feel very good after.

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

I know this isn’t an original question, but who goes to Long John Silvers?

[Ariel Dumas @ArielDumas]

The CDC just announced you can walk right up to bin of carrots at the grocery store and start eatin outta there like a horse

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

If you or a loved one uses the idiom “nuking” referring to warming food in a microwave oven, please seek immediate medical intervention

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

Nobody has ever looked sexy eating yogurt

[Prescott Bishop @atmoprescott]

We did it everyone! The AL West standings now spell “ASSHAT”

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

@saraaa_janeee Based only on your tweets since this one, it can be confirmed that you are indeed a basic white girl.

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

We’re really not gonna talk about the one where a woman (and sometimes Michael Bublé) is attempting to sex Santa into gifting a multitude of extravagant gifts, including A PLATINUM MINE?!

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

Is @Hellmanns the official mayo of the @MayoClinic?

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

Upstairs neighbor determines creaky spot in floor best possible location for at home workout

[Omaha Scanner @omaha_scanner]

Call for 3 male juveniles at the Miller Park splash pad who have overdosed on the marijuanas.
#OmahaScanner

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

Hannah on a zoom call: “I’ve never heard of a barn owl... when I hear barn owl, I think rooster”

[Omaha Scanner @omaha_scanner]

📸

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

Incoming hot take: Trader Joe’s is a shitty grocery store with weird employees and overall bad food, with the exception of some frozen food offerings.

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

@WastelineOmaha you are trash. Had to drop off our own recycling today after 2 weeks of missed Wednesday pickups.

[Brandon Rent @RENTme4thenight]

@WastelineOmaha two Wednesdays without recycling pickup on 16th street near downtown. Why are we paying you? #grumpyoldman

[Bob Uecker @BobUeckerSays]

"I'm on my 5th @MillerLite right now. Though 2 went in cereal, so they don't count."
#Brewers #MLB