RYAN

I sniff all the deoderants at the store to find the one that smells the most like woodshop and old leather so my wife won't try to share my deoderant.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Also she just shouted "Aargh I got too much lotion on my hands again. Come and solve this problem Lizard Face!" to me.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

I'm pretty sure @FilingJointly has been messing with my Twitter profile.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Reading Fiona The Best Mouse Cookie before bed tonight @FilingJointly texts me, "Spoiler! The best cookie is one you share with a friend!"

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

In the car, @FilingJointly just noted, "You could rearrange the letters on that vet's sign to spell Mice Krispies."

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

In elevator with @FilingJointly. Asked her what floor to hit. She said 2. Asked are you sure? 50% sure she said. There were only 3 floors.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

@FilingJointly just mumbled "I volunteer as tribute," in her sleep when the baby started crying.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

At the Cubs game and @FilingJointly has cold hands. I give her money to go buy gloves. She comes back with two oversized foam hands.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Overheard coming from @FilingJointly's office: Kate Spade you dirty slut!

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Text at work from @FilingJointly: Ugh I just ate twelve chicken nuggets and my stomach is sticking way out. I'm like the Abdominal Snowman.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

@FilingJointly just told me to "Stop being the pot that ate the kettle's soup" after I took a bit of her soup.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

@FilingJointly just told me she had a dream last night that Mark from Home Improvement was named the next pope.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

@FilingJointly "When you were downstairs the dog learned to talk and told me she wants lobster for dinner soon. Then she forgot how to talk"

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Per @FilingJointly a scale is not to be ordered. One must go into the store try all the scales and buy the one that shows the lowest weight.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

@FilingJointly just came out of Jewel, got in the car and said Well we need to get a new grocery store. And she won't tell me why.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

@FilingJointly just cracked a hardboiled egg on my head and shouted Ramona Quimby! I don't get it.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

I asked @FilingJointly what was for dinner tonight and she said, Peas porridge in the pot nine days old and then fell off the couch laughing

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Just ran downstairs to make a phone call. When I got back upstairs @FilingJointly was explaining to the dogs how to do the running man.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Lauren bought a giant book of stickers and put some on her face. When a kid comments on her stickers she lets them choose one from the book.

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Lauren: "Let's make our way to the uhhh, what's the word? You know, the leaving place?" #Exit #TheWordSheForgotWasExit

[RYAN @RGFilingJointly]

Today Lauren fell off the hotel bed and into her suitcase. Explanation:The floor is closer at home, it's a miscalculation anyone could make.