Rachel Crossland

RT

[Rachel Crossland @RachCross119]

Girl in my class named Stephanie. She asked me my name and I said Stephanie on accident so quitting grad school we had a nice 2 day run tho

[cope @cdcxpe]

Nobody:

Absolutely no one:

Not a single soul on this Earth:

Not even their mom:

iNfLuEnCeR: “A lot of you have asked about my skin care routine...”

[Sassparilla @Megatronic13]

When my lane is ending & the car next to me won’t let me merge & I realize a total stranger would rather me die than slow down 5 mph.

Me:

[m ¨̮ @melmadara]

therapy:
-expensive
-boring
-intimidating

saying “bada bing bada boom” in a bad italian accent:
-free
-sounds badass
-fun

[Sassparilla @Megatronic13]

Mobster: you’re going to be sleeping with the fishes

Me: do fish even sleep?

Mobster: omg I don’t know but now I’m curious

Me: me too, google it!

Mobster: *looking at phone* it says they sleep, but their eyes are open because they don’t have eyelids

Me: HA! Gross.

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

Movie Exec: Give me 3 realistic ideas or you're fired

Me: A rat becomes a chef

Movie Exec: ok

Me: A dog plays basketball

Movie Exec: Good

Me: A main character has a bottom row locker at school

Movie Exec: Get out

[andrew @AndrewChamings]

being able to talk to my phone and make it play any song ever recorded: meh

opening a birthday card and hearing it play 6 seconds of rock around the clock: this is insane

[Rachel Crossland @RachCross119]

@emilykbarbee I have never felt so understood

[Rachel Crossland @RachCross119]

@StrayTan Sounds you are #TeamKirk

[Rachel Crossland @RachCross119]

@StrayTan Follow up Q which boy do u dislike the most?
Team Down With Dean!!!!!!

[Rachel Crossland @RachCross119]

@StrayTan I’m on round 3 of rewatching

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

[first day as a bartender]
Customer: I'll have a martini, dry
Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this

[Abbie @AbbieEvansXO]

Shakespeare: shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Me: sure

Shakespeare: okay. summer's day > you

[trophy boy 🏆 @_lildubois]

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

date: why are u always looking at your phone?

me: sorry. the president of the united states is texting me

[The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian]

When you tag yourself on Facebook vs. When someone else tags you on Facebook.