Drunken Philosopher

I drink therefore I am... drunk... Life isn't easy, but sluts sure are.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Relationships die when the bullshit outweighs the blowjobs.

[HODL.EXE ☣️🤮☠️ @HODLvirus]

I just dumped my entire unemployment check into bitcoin.

Am I doing this right?

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

I’ve seen better days.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

You live and you learn.
You get fucked.
You get fucked over.
That’s life.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

The climate will be fine until we get off this planet or die as a species.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

If I was a toilet paper company, I’d buy Mexican restaurants.

Vertical integration that guarantees infinite demand for my flagship product.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

I am the delusion of grandeur.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

If I forget my phone, beer, or juul when I go to take a shit...
It’s gonna be a bad shit.

Sent from my iPhone while shitting.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

I’ve never stolen a neon sign, but this one was asking for it.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Mobs are setting people on fire and literally cutting dicks off in South Africa.

To all shitty South Africans perpetuating this madness:
I hope more foreigners come. I hope they come with machine guns instead of machetes. I hope they bring absolute Hell Fire. #XenophobicAttacks

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Rock, paper, scissors.

[Bamalu🖕🏼🖕🏼 @bamafangrl]

‘Relationship’ has 12 letters.

So does ‘fuck that shit’

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

She plays like an emotional victim, but she’s an apex predator.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

You can follow or you can lead. You can be a bitch ass beta or you can seize your fucking destiny. Bitches fall in line behind sheer power of will.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Reality is a story we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Let the Awesomeness of the present moment dwarf any bullshit about the past or future.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Don’t judge people by how they drive, just drive faster.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Never date a girl who has more problems than you do.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

@CryptoContagion I once gave a trivial amount of bitcoin to a girl to clean my apartment while I drank beer and watched TV.

Definitely the most expensive maid I’ve ever had.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Man wants to control the world when he can’t even control himself.

[Drunken Philosopher @RageTheory]

Hank from Barry is my new favorite accent to use. It’s like Borat but he’s just super cool nice guy and like, totally evil and stuff.