Ex-Pope Benedict

When my time in office came to an end it saddened me deeply, but with God's will, my work as a cantankerous, misogynistic, old homophobe will live on.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

If ever cornered by the watertight argument of an atheist, my children, simply smile and say you'll pray for them... They bloody hate that.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

I often lay awake at night worrying about poverty in Africa. Without a pot to piss in, how is The Church expected to make a buck out of them

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

I found Goebbels and Himmler yesterday, my childhood glove puppets. Ah, the many happy hours we wiled away, interrogating my sister's dolls.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

@Ihatemartyrs @NatFuckThisShit Bless you both. May your day be filled with the joy of God's love, crippling guilt and bitter self-loathing.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

Thought for the day for believers:
You're never alone with God

Thought for the day for atheists:
You'll die alone and be eaten by your cats

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

Bit hungover today. Last night's book burning club got a bit out of hand. Sister Smirnova won't be invited back, though. She's a nasty drunk

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

@Hayne27 Anything that offers unconditional love should be viewed with suspicion. Buy your love from The Church like all people of faith.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

@EnglishAtheist7 Your diligence and attention to detail will be rewarded in Heaven, my child.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

Thought for the day for believers:
You are never alone with God.

Thought for the day for atheists:
You'll die alone with your cats.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

I wouldn't like to be Pope with all this Vatican bank scandal about to break. Could all fall on him. Lucky I resigned when I did *wink*.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

You know I loathe laughter and those who pedal its sin, so avoid @ShaineSherlock 's evil show at The Cricketers in Kingston on 11th July.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

Charges have been dropped against Father Raimondo. Jury accepted he had slipped upon leaving the shower and impaled himself on the choirboy.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

Still stuffed from lunch. I had sirloin of panda. I like my steaks rare.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

I laughed yesterday. Someone showed me a condom and I've been under the impression they were something else entirely. Oh well, no harm done.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

People often write to me saying I didn't do enough for women when I was in office. And when I say "people", I mean gobby, lesbian types.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

You know what I'm going to do instead of attending mass this evening...?

Anything I bloody well please.

It's good to be Ex-Pope.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

When you see beautiful sunsets, tranquil beaches and delicate blooms, you see God's work.
When you see poverty and suffering, just look away

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

@afcoory It's nice to enjoy a simpler life, my child. Why only today I opened a door for myself.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

Cardinal Boyde's funeral is to have a closed casket. Surgeons managed to remove the Dyson attachment, but not the grin on his face.

[Ex-Pope Benedict @RatzingersRants]

I've always fought against the evils of comedy and its purveyors of filth, which is why you must have nothing to do with @GlenLenSherman