Jim Shmoe

The only trustworthy news source for anything DHL

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

Chicago takes GAME ONE of the #stuwecupfinals after an impressive 5-2 win!

Will history repeat itself?

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

THE FINALS ARE SET!

We have a rematch of the Season 2 #StuweCupFinals as the Greenville Swamp Rabbits take on the Chicago Hitmen! We will be covering the finals game by game

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

Hearing rumors about a possible florida cougars relocation if they cant win over 7 games next season:

Washington Capital Stormers
Charlotte Stabbers
Atlanta 28ers

wow

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

is this a threat?

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

The ONLY good florida player EDWARDO FIGGLEHORN has DEMANDED A TRADE!!! what a disgrace!!! the coward carried the team on his back and for WHAT?? What a disgrace of a player. Dairy Queen meanwhile has voted to tend the goal for the time being….

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

BREAKING:

Boston unveils their new logo for next season!

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

Official DHL draft order
#1 Florida
#2 Minnesota
#3 Newfoundland
#4 Boston
#5 Greenville? How the fuck is Greenville in the lottery

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

Doug Walker is one of the most underrated DHL players its a shame that his career got cut short after he tore 3 ACL’s after a team dinner

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

Boston wins 4-3 eliminating the moonshiners!

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

DHL official draft lottery odds:
Florida 99.8%
Newfoundland Growlers 0.1%
Minnesota Fighting Pike 0.1%

This post has been sponsored by The Florida Cougars ownership group

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

hearing that the St James Islanders are relocating to becoming the Tel Aviv Warriors

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

MATCHDAY 15 OFFICIAL RESULTS:
Newfoundland LOSES AGAIN in at 10-0 loss
St James Islander clench with a 5-3 win
Chicago beats pickle lake
Florida upsets Boston 3-2
Minnesota beats centealhatche 5-2
BATTLE OF MID! NYT wins 1-0 over greenville
SSM wins 3-1 against Pittsburgh

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

real quote by leading DHL rookie after being asked to wave their NMC to be traded to new york, hearing the deal was 1:1 for ballbag

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

I wanna burger rn man

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

Hearing that the islanders have run out of “milk” and “cheese pizza” clearly this is code

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

Hearing Dwayne Gretzky is being traded to the Cheeseheads for a 3rd round puck, 1:1, no retention. This trade is being forced by the DHL commissioner

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

hearing news that like…. news

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

@JoeShmoeDHL Not fronk

[Jim Shmoe @RealJimShmoe]

REPORT: Before they where banned from trading, the Thunder Bay Persians received “multiple offers” or something, chat I genuinely have no clue whats going on in the DHL I have been stuck in the Soviet jungle for a month, I miss my family