Paul Johnstone

Stand Up Comic 🇩🇰 2012 Danish Champion - Cricket 2018 Danish Champion - Australian Rules. Autism Dad. Funny haha, not funny peculiar. Views my own.

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@KPBSMan @andytomlee Hamish and Andy did this???

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@imranirampal @airindia "Wear and tear"

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@IvankaNews_ Worth it

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@nicksortor Ok we'll give you eating pets...

There's also people shooting up schools. Any solution?

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@fesshole Fuck me this one is grim mate. Make the change

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@fesshole I usually like car based fesses, but this one is just middle of the road stuff

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@ArseHydra @fesshole Like an Iphone?

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

70% sure this is my aunt...

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Sometimes, if I'm having a stressful day at work, I go for a stand-up wee in a cubicle and pull my pants down to my ankles. It makes me feel like a little kid, and for some reason that calms me down.

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@ToddJDavey Tom Hawkins. Even got told by an AFL great from Geelong that he was gone by season's end in 09, he wasn't hard enough on himself and just lazy.
Well, got that one wrong 😅

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@SorchaNiRuaidh @fesshole Who's Seth?

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@fesshole Only 15? What is this man, perfect?

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@theindextracker Yes

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@Quartermain10 @AFL Same with cricket Quarters. Let em play an extra innings, stuff it if they're tired or only have a 5 day turnaround.

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@FootballTragic9 @danderfield This would create some absolutely amazing rebound goals

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

A heart attack and a stroke 😬

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

A few years ago I had a heart attack after finishing a wank whilst sat on the toilet. I was in horrendous pain but struggled through to put clothes on and clean up the 'mess' before screaming to my wife for help.

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@LucasGo08693119 @DeltaQu57975908 @Morbidful Ah yes the famous Nepean Peninsula croc 😂
Only pops up at beaches with heavy rips and shallow reefs apparently

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@hasumpstuffedup @s_cama So half a step is 'no prior' meaning there's no time to dispose the ball, but players are expected to change direction mid-air to avoid head contact in a contest because there should be time to take evasive action 🫠

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

Saw an actual slug inside the Slug and Lettuce once.

Nothing to do with the tennis

[Wimbledon @Wimbledon]

Name a Wimbledon moment that makes you laugh every time you watch it 👇

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

I do 5km a day and this bloke has run the length of a continent 😂
What an effort!

[Russ Cook @hardestgeezer]

345 days
376 marathons
£380,995 raised for charity
Deserts✅
Rainforest✅
Savannahs✅
Mountains✅
Jungle✅

7 days out from being the first person ever to run the entire length of Africa🫡

[Paul Johnstone @RealPJohnstone]

@icelandcricket From 2022