Tim Vine

Comedian. Plastic Elvis.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

An opportunity of a lifetime.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@_DundeePerfect_ @ProcterGamble Just to clarify, this wasn’t one bottle. All the others on the shelf were filled the same. (To answer the ‘didn’t I notice when I picked it up?’ question.)

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

Look at this newly purchased unopened Fairy Liquid Bottle! You could fit a walnut whip in that space! Or five chipolatas, or an Alsatian’s nose…….
What do YOU think would fit in that space ? @ProcterGamble

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@elaineaddison13 @ProcterGamble Blimey…….that’s a good idea. 🙂

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@groomyd @Nite_Listener Cheers David. 😄 Perhaps not ALL the time. But I have hit hundreds of them in my life. It’s all the crap darts in between that spoil it

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

My take on Netflix 501 Littler challenge: Assuming the challengers throw first, I think in MOST legs 15 darts would be enough to beat him. Littler won’t throw 12 darters and less all night. I don’t see that. Pub players no chance. County players the odd chance.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@staned567 Very true.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@darlowaller It’s tough isn’t it. Half the time I don’t know whether I’m in a 30 or a 40 or a 20.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

One of the silver linings of being disqualified from driving is at least they can’t fine me anymore. I’m not quite disqualified yet but unless they allow me 15 points I’m on the verge. In fact I think I got three points for being on the verge.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@PippaMusgrave1 My case is pending so I am hoping to throw myself on the mercy of the courtroom floor.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

If a road is a 30 mph limit for 50 years and then it’s changed to a 20, you’re going to catch a lot of people. It’s like if overnight it was made illegal for policeman to say ‘’ello ‘ello ‘ello’ I bet loads of policeman would have to arrest themselves.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

I was doing 26mph in a 20 limit. They call me the wild one.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@mermhart Broadly speaking we waste time. Hope you’re well. X

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

I just saw a clip of When Harry met Sally. They both look about 18!

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@directorgrant Shall we make another film? For Blockbuster obvs.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

Remember in the old days when the numbers on a bank card were raised up like braille so they couldn’t get rubbed off? That was clever wasn’t it.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@funmartman They certainly are. And the reason is they’re probably cheaper to make.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@almurray Of course it was first displayed in Devon. They said where do you want it? He said “put it by ‘ere”(SAID IN STRONG DEVONSHIRE ACCENT). I did that joke on Whittle.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

@Paulicus88 That’s nice 🙂

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

An opportunity of a lifetime.

[Tim Vine @RealTimVine]

GET ON BOARD EVERYONE! It’s cheap at half the price! (Actually it’s still quite expensive at half the price.)