Obvious Parody Account of the University of Austin

This is a parody account. Jesus Christ

[Bryan Crampston @MaxTheThrax]

@CaelanConrad Honestly an insult I’ll never forget is that someone in my avowedly nerdy high school friend group said I “wasn’t smart enough to be a Slytherin.”

How was I too dumb to be a fictional racist?? And I was the only black person in the group and did national academic competitions

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

In the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, Jesus offs a kid for not watching where he was going (and then struck the elders blind for getting mad about it).

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

I think people think of “reading” as a distinct act. I don’t think it is. I think of it more like “stepping”—a vehicle to perform lots of acts

Strolling, hiking, and dancing are all kind of the same thing, but liking one doesn’t mean liking the other.

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

I have a theory that audiences are so used to “sitcom time” where 4 episodes can be months, they forget shows like love island have episodes that track to days.

Really reframes the betrayals

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

Historians NEED to start clamping down on the idea that the main reason life expectancy in the past was lower because of infant mortality. 🧵

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

After watching it a few times, I now think Barbie is in fact a fantastic feminist film, but only if read *extremely* cynically. The ideological contradictions don’t undermine its message. The contradictions ARE the message https://t.co/N2UkTgQyn3

[Obvious Parody Account of the University of Austin @RealUofAustin]

@munzacore90 @lilgrapefruits Conservative has a broad range of meanings and very few of them mean “right wing.”

Here I think it more means “believes men should treat women delicately because their gender role dictates women are to be cherished by them”

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

New Met just dropped! C Luke Soucy’s Metamorphoses has pulled off what I thought was impossible: a lively line-for-line translation of Ovid’s Met. Also the translator’s only 26!

Definitely my teaching text here on out. You all should check it out. https://t.co/PqbfKmL8xX

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

“You said this was the same ship sailed by the famous Greek hero, but our testing found that not a single sample could be dated to his time. Care to explain that?”

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

I think that most people who take the “we don’t need college” line forget that big firms don’t want a bunch of 18 year olds who’ve never left home before.

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

University is a socializing force more than anything else. In “elite universities,” coming out successful means that you’ve met lots of different people and can succeed without your parents there. I honestly think that’s what employers care about most

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

“Why didn’t Harvard give Cornel tenure???”

Because he hasn’t written anything since the last time they denied him tenure. He’s just been doing right wing speaking tours with 20K appearance fees with Robbie George.

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

So y’all just haven’t been paying attention to what Cornel West has been up to the past 7 years, huh?

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

I unabashedly love this poem, so I’m gonna give my over-reading of it.

What I think makes this poem so good is that it looks like it’s straightforwardly about being trapped and then being freed, but it’s not.

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

Was… was this not brilliantly executed parody of the sex scene discourse?

[jermaine @TheRafaelite]

Y’all, Princeton just published a book that’s literally just a bunch of Pharrell quotes

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

A warrior goes to the doctor. He says life is harsh and cruel and he’s lost the will to fight.

Doctor says, "Simple. The legendary hero Achilles is in the camp tonight. Go see him. Surely he can inspire you"

The man bursts into tears. He says, "But doctor...I am Achilles..”

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

They say there’s a spot that appears on a man, cursing him for all eternity, marked for ruin

[Obvious Parody Account of the University of Austin @RealUofAustin]

“Yes I said something idiotic but then everyone jumped on me for saying something idiotic. Isn’t that the *real* story here?”

[Ship of Theses @postclassics]

broke: “I identify as an attack helicopter”

woke: