Republic of Croydon

Hail, Croydon! Land of the griddle and the grindle! Land of the ombudsman and the thesaurus! Land of grass! Land of burgundy! Land of land!

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

What, you're expecting more? Sometimes a fax machine is just a fa- OH GOD IT'S ALIVE

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

Anette tells me that we have a new fax machine. It's very good.

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

8. According to the Griddle Council, it's officially the best time of year to climb Mount Croydon
9. Annette, please make your way to customer services.

That's it! There are no other reasons to be excited about Croydon right now.

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

We're always excited about Croydon! Here are nine more reasons:
1. The Craig David has recently discovered the existence of 'shoes'
2. Daniel Radcliffe's new film 'Grombling Upon the Bloomingsway' is premiering on Jombury 17th
3. I just had a really nice cheeseburger

[East Croydon Cool @EastCroydonCool]

But before we sign off for a while…

https://t.co/0bsWz69Uzx

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

4. The Museum of Croydon's brand new exhibition on the founder of Croydon, Helvetica the Bold
5. The Smeegly-Bop has announced it will start making ASMR videos
6. Croydons are 40% off in the Official Croydon Shop of Croydon
7. I just had another really nice cheeseburger

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

It's true. You really can't trust the Bleggo Local-Montebrush.

[Nigel Farage @Nigel_Farage]

The truth continues to come out about BLM.

The leader of the BLM Global Network Foundation stands accused of embezzling USD 10 million.

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

Sorry, false alarm. I sneezed on the machine.

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

ALERT: The Smeegly-Bop has just imploded. Please proceed to your nearest Terminal Destruction Area to await the end of Croydon.

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

eeeeeebleton-upon-piss

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

Liz Truss has been prime minister before, of the small island nation of screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(cont.)

[Mitch Benn @MitchBenn]

I T
W A S
N E V E R
S U P P O S E D
T O

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

God damn it

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

Today was difficult, I had to sack Hello Frank. Still, there's a promising sounding intern arriving tomorrow called *reads notes* Salutation Fronk

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

I'm sure no one will confuse it with last year, which was called Darcy 'infinite spiders' McHonk

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

The griddle council took a while over this year's name but eventually settled on calling it 2020

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

#fuckoff

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

@duncantrussell Ok I did it and now I can't move. I really should have seen that coming...

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

88888welcometo zrrrrrrrrrrrrt SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee----- But enough about me.

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

Archeologists have unearthed the remains of an ancient tribe known as the Deets. What's an archeologist? Is it some kind of furry?

[Republic of Croydon @RepubOfCroydon]

Yes, you, John.