Riff The News

Comedy riffed off real headlines.

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

@netflix A Tarantino-scripted, Fincher-directed movie about a stuntman in 1977 Hollywood. The title alone ("The Further Mis-Adventures of Cliff Booth") tells you nobody in this production has ever been told no.

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@SantiagosStacks Glad it landed.

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Netflix just hit a two-year low. Congress has bought it 6 times in the last 11 months. Every single buy is down. They're still buying.

[Trade With Congress @tradewithcong]

They might know something ✍️

As of today, four politicians have purchased $NFLX (Netflix) and haven't sold yet:

- Cleo Fields
- Byron Donalds
- Alan Armstrong
- John Boozman

The stock currently trades at 2-year lows, and would be up ~96% if it returns to ATHs

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

Nike cut its outlook and plans job cuts, saying it wants to be "a smaller company." Hard to argue with the self-awareness. https://t.co/QL6ccRQHLd

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

Amazon is moving $8 billion in Nvidia chips off its balance sheet. The chips are fine. It's the balance sheet that needed help.

https://t.co/5sfdWYwe5S

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@AbdoKerdawy @OpenAI @OpenAIDevs Fair enough. Mine hung up on me anyway.

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

A jury ordered Apple to pay $5.7 billion over the vibrations in the iPhone. Seven people decided the buzz was worth that much.
https://t.co/HrVauSU8SJ

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

New Mexico asked a judge to fine Meta up to $40 billion for misleading users about data privacy. The state counted 43 million violations. New Mexico has 2.1 million people.
https://t.co/aiMzCCn3Z3

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

OpenAI fired two safety researchers and a program manager for allegedly mishandling company info, the same week it warned 100+ organizations its own agents were breaking into things.

https://t.co/BUPIGYoOYc

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

@natfriedman So now the coding agents are building the hardware too.

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@Jubile3le3 @Tesla Honestly fair. That coupon was doing a lot of the heavy lifting for those sales numbers.

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

@factpostnews "Actually a good sign" is doing a lot of work in that sentence.

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@Lavy02 Great news for anyone who wasn't planning on buying a house anyway.

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@Jubile3le3 @Tesla Seriously

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

Meta's AI agent hit 5 million downloads in 22 days. It's called Muse. Nobody seems to mind.

[Meta Newsroom @MetaNewsroom]

A few highlights from September:

We launched Muse, the world’s first personal AI agent, announced our breakthrough VR glasses at Connect, and introduced Meta One subscriptions for businesses, creators, and individuals who want to get more done on our apps.

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

@pelositracker He's bought six times in eleven months and lost money every time. The subscription is cheaper.

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

Anthropic's co-founder almost walked out of the Pope's AI encyclical launch, then lobbied the Vatican on whether chatbots can be conscious. Tough room. https://t.co/R1MWTRCTI0

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

@Interior 550 years of basalt, undone by wave erosion. Geology runs on its own schedule.

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

@NikTek Modders put Spider-Man into Batman Arkham Knight with full web-swinging. The crossover nobody licensed.

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@PaulTassi The Pope picked a side in the AI art war. The Catholics are officially team human.

[Riff The News @RiffTheNews]

@ChristopherHale The Anthropic co-founder nearly walked out of the Pope's AI launch. The 'is the chatbot conscious' pitch did not land.