i ran out of fries so i ate Pringles dipped in Chik Fil A sauce
does my audition tape for My 600lb Life have to be mailed in or can i email them a digital copy?
Toke: Mary was a vessel and nothing more
Broke: Mary was an important but otherwise normal woman
Woke: Mary, Mother of God, Ever-Virgin
Bespoke: Mary, Immaculate Queen of Heaven
Invoke: Mary beats me with her celestial flip-flop when I sin
oh yeah, nights that i’m sweating through my scrubs, sprinting to grab meds for a CPR, trembling with a tiny needle to get an IV on a 10 day old baby, whispering “please don’t die” as i watch my critical patient’s vital signs tank, i think “wow, mom was ridiculous for having me” https://t.co/UIlZA7oZR4
No name calling here @NikkiGlaser - but maybe you’d find the life of my sister @RitzelloMarie (kid #10) not so “ridiculous” if you saw her work as an ER nurse. We are productive, valuable members of society even if we have five (or more!) biological siblings. https://t.co/rE24IWPuR0
I don’t wanna see anybody wearing green and pretending to be Irish today. That’s cultural appropriation and for Irish people it’s highly offensi...just kidding we don’t care about anything and are impervious to being offended
my mother was reminiscing about raising kids with my dad but used the phrase “back when we had to fight little people together” and i have never been so pumped and terrified for parenthood
the sounds of home:
soft snowfalls
a crackling fireplace
familiar creeks in the floorboards
my Mother slowly but intensely turning up the Rush Limbaugh Show the more engrossed she gets
“ugh, i’ve been having diarrhea all day”
you: ew, i didn’t need to know that
me, an intellectual and a nurse: i’m going to need you to describe it in great detail
a patient asked me to “use the skinniest needle you have” for her IV and i said “i’ll try, but they’ve all gained weight over the holidays” and i’m so pleased to announce i’ve inherited my father’s bedside humor