Rita Franzonello

i think i'm ridiculously funny and my mom says that's all that matters

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

i ran out of fries so i ate Pringles dipped in Chik Fil A sauce

does my audition tape for My 600lb Life have to be mailed in or can i email them a digital copy?

[Inquisitor Himbo Juan @AndeanHermedic]

Toke: Mary was a vessel and nothing more
Broke: Mary was an important but otherwise normal woman
Woke: Mary, Mother of God, Ever-Virgin
Bespoke: Mary, Immaculate Queen of Heaven
Invoke: Mary beats me with her celestial flip-flop when I sin

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

@So_Mo94 i accidentally hit MoviePass but 100% meant to say Amazon

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

@So_Mo94 well hell yes it BETTER BE blue cheese not that runny white SUBPAR EXCUSE FOR A DIP

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

Applebee’s #dollarita makes me angry because my weekend price is at LEAST $10 per hour. $20 if i wear a wig. how am i supposed to compete with this.

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

oh yeah, nights that i’m sweating through my scrubs, sprinting to grab meds for a CPR, trembling with a tiny needle to get an IV on a 10 day old baby, whispering “please don’t die” as i watch my critical patient’s vital signs tank, i think “wow, mom was ridiculous for having me” https://t.co/UIlZA7oZR4

[Anna Paprocki @AnnaPaprocki]

No name calling here @NikkiGlaser - but maybe you’d find the life of my sister @RitzelloMarie (kid #10) not so “ridiculous” if you saw her work as an ER nurse. We are productive, valuable members of society even if we have five (or more!) biological siblings. https://t.co/rE24IWPuR0

[Kathleen McKinley @KatMcKinley]

This is beautiful. Not what you expect. A must read. https://t.co/TEGdYxbkxh

[KFC @KFCBarstool]

I don’t wanna see anybody wearing green and pretending to be Irish today. That’s cultural appropriation and for Irish people it’s highly offensi...just kidding we don’t care about anything and are impervious to being offended

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

@ThatTechNerd what
how

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

my mother was reminiscing about raising kids with my dad but used the phrase “back when we had to fight little people together” and i have never been so pumped and terrified for parenthood

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

the sounds of home:

soft snowfalls

a crackling fireplace

familiar creeks in the floorboards

my Mother slowly but intensely turning up the Rush Limbaugh Show the more engrossed she gets

[Matt Walsh @MattWalshBlog]

Legitimately the bravest statement anyone has ever made at the Grammys. https://t.co/Il6JiIQ0vf

[Obianuju Ekeocha @obianuju]

Posing nude does not in any way make the case for equality. It is actually degrading to Women. https://t.co/fSzRNOUDAX

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

“ugh, i’ve been having diarrhea all day”

you: ew, i didn’t need to know that

me, an intellectual and a nurse: i’m going to need you to describe it in great detail

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

a patient asked me to “use the skinniest needle you have” for her IV and i said “i’ll try, but they’ve all gained weight over the holidays” and i’m so pleased to announce i’ve inherited my father’s bedside humor

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

@mANNAtee12 or drive to the store ACROSS THE STREET FROM OUR HOUSE

[Rita Franzonello @RitzelloMarie]

@mANNAtee12 Prime some bread and make it yourself