Rohit Prasad

Selected in Top 50 Most Influential Authors (Delhiwire). My book "Mood Swings" out now. All views expressed are mine (no one else wants them).

[Rohit Prasad @RohitPrasad71]

Encouraged by the success of debut book "The Pilgrim," here is "Mood Swings," a collection of nine engrossing tales woven in a beautiful tapestry, each imbued with the essence drawn from each of the nine basic emotions, capping off with unexpected endings. On sale on Amazon

[ماعز- @maiz98949948]

Filmed Yesterday in Austin, Texas. The dog is Diesel, a three-year-old Pit Bull. The man is Mike Torres. Mike had to surrender Diesel eight months ago when he lost his apartment. Been living in his truck. Got into transitional housing last week. Came to find Diesel yesterday. Diesel was in outdoor kennel K-9. Six-foot chain-link fence. Mike was walking down the hallway inside the building. Diesel saw him through the window. Climbed that six-foot fence. Cleared the top. Dropped eight feet. Landed hard. Sprinted through the building corridor. Tackled Mike. Both went down. Shelter director Maria Santos said: "Diesel's never climbed that fence before. Never tried. The second he saw Mike, he scaled it like it wasn't even there." Diesel's shoulder was bruised from the landing. Didn't care. Mike said: "Eight months. Diesel climbed a six-foot fence and jumped. We're never separating again." Sometimes reunion doesn't wait for gates to open.

[Bakers old Treehouse @bringbakerback]

@qikipedia Surely they flocked onto the bridge for a gander?

[John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang]

The America in the right photo knows how apostrophes work.

The corrosive illiterates in the left photo don't know how apostrophes work, bc authoritarian racists are stupid; and need you to be, too.

Good Lord, MAGA. Learn English or get out.

[David Frum @davidfrum]

There are literally thousands of fathers reading those tweets and thinking, "When my daughter lost her favorite toy, I led a search party as if for a downed NATO nuclear warhead. And when that failed, I paid $300 for a replica on EBay."

[sári @mokuska]

24-hr indian takeout place called naanstop

[Rohit Prasad @RohitPrasad71]

Word

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

A ‘kangaroo word’ is a word that contains all of the letters of one of its synonyms in order.

E.g. ‘chicken’ contains the word ‘hen.’

The word inside the kangaroo word is called a ‘joey word.’

🧵⬇️

[Travis Akers 🇺🇸 @travisakers]

People who got vaccinated during the COVID pandemic now look like they’ve aged at least five years. Let that sink in.

[namita 🪡✍️ @namitaj68]

Even Kabir Das must be laughing in heaven:

[PV Sindhu @Pvsindhu1]

Shivani, I have to say this first… you’re such an incredible writer. ❤️ I genuinely love reading everything you write.

Also… getting Datta to talk this much genuinely feels like an achievement. 😂 He’s usually the one asking all the questions, never answering them.

The recovery experiments at home are all true too. 😭 @deepigoyal got him sold on an inversion table after reading and testing a thesis while building Temple. Another dear friend convinced him that red-light therapy was the answer. Then, one fine morning, a temperature-controlled mattress magically appeared. Tart cherry juice became compulsory before bed. Recovery boots. Breathing drills. Cryotherapy. At this point I don’t even ask questions anymore… I just say, “Okay… what’s today’s experiment?” 😂 His latest obsession is somehow finding a hyperbaric chamber. I made the mistake of looking it up… and it’s literally a giant metal tube. 😭 Strangely enough, a lot of these bizarre things are actually starting to make sense.

As romantic as it sounds that I spend hours watching films with my husband… I should clarify they’re badminton films. 😭 His team cuts footage from the last five years into endless clips, and we sit there watching them over and over again. So no… not exactly The Notebook. 😂

One thing I’ll always be grateful for, though, is Virat bhai. I reached out to him at one of the lowest points of my career. Injuries were piling up, the results weren’t coming, and I just needed someone who understood. He replied within minutes, and we met the very next day.

What we spoke about will always stay between us. But I’ll always be grateful that when I needed someone, he was there. He didn’t say much, but every word stayed with Datta and me. Some conversations change the way you see things. That was one of them. ❤️

The biggest thing I took away was the importance of finding your joy again.

Today, I know exactly why I wake up for those 5:30 a.m. sessions.

And I can honestly say… it isn’t the trophies.

It isn’t the wins. It’s something much deeper.

And this time, I’ll protect it with everything I have. ❤️

[UNICEF @UNICEF]

Yes, those photos you’ve seen are real.

More than 18 years ago, a baby named Lamine Yamal and his mom Sheila met Lionel Messi at a UNICEF fundraising photoshoot.

Today, their achievements on the pitch inspire millions. Off the pitch, both Messi and Lamine Yamal use their voices and platforms as UNICEF Goodwill Ambassadors to support and advocate for children around the world.

The goal? That every child survives, thrives, and fulfils their potential.

We are proud to have them on our team.

Credit: Joan Monfort

[Matt Slotnick @matt_slotnick]

the most confusing part of the odyssey is how this took 10 years

[Aimée 🇨🇦 @Imaimeemiami]

@TylerJRoney No it wasn't

[RC deWinter @RCdeWinter]

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

* An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

* Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

* A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intents and purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

* Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

* A question mark walks into a bar?

* A non sequitur walks into a bar.
In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

* Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

* A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

* A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

* Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

* A synonym strolls into a tavern.

* At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

* A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

* Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

* A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

* An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

* The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

* A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

* The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

* A dyslexic walks into a bra.

* A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

* A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

* A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

* A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony .

– Jill Thomas Doyle

[maddie rune🪰 @themaddierune]

Just reread the Odyssey and even though it is 2,700 years old, it's still very much a modern story. A guy goes on a work trip and it takes literal necromancy in the actual underworld before he'll admit he's lost, gets waylaid by hot immortal women, blames the ocean, comes home and murders everyone who hit on his wife. Men have not changed. Bless them.

[RC deWinter @RCdeWinter]

A GOP politician – pick your favorite – died and ended up standing in front of the pearly gates.

Saint Peter looked at him, flicked through his book and found his name.

"So, you were a GOP politician,” said Saint Peter.
“Well, yes, is that a problem?" The man asked.

“Oh no, no problem, answered Saint Peter. “But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work and unfortunately you will have to spend a day in Hell.”

After that however, you're free to choose where you want to spend eternity,” Saint Peter replied.

"Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell??" Demanded the politician.

"Them's the rules,” answered Saint Peter,clicked his fingers, and WOOMPH, the guy disappeared.

He awoke curled up with his hands over his eyes, knowing he was in Hell. He listened for screams, sniffed the air for brimstone…Just the smell of…is that fabric softener? And cut grass.

"Open your eyes!" said a voice. "C'mon, wakey wakey, we've only got 24 hours!" Nervously, the politician uncovered his eyes, looked around and saw he was in a hotel room. A nice one too – a penthouse suite with a smiling man in a suit, holding a martini.

"Who are you?” politician demanded.

Well, I'm Satan!" said the man, handing him the drink and helping him to his feet. "Welcome to Hell!" "

“Wait, this is Hell? But... Where's all the pain and suffering?" the guy asked.

Satan threw him a wink.

“Oh, we've been a bit mis-represented over the years, it's a long story. Anyway, this is your room. The minibar is of course free, as is the room service, there are extra towels next to the hot tub and if you need anything, just call reception. But enough of this!

“It's a beautiful day, and if you'd care to look outside..." Slightly stunned by the opulent surroundings, the man wandered over to the floor-to-ceiling windows, looked down and saw a group of people cheering and waving at him from a golf course.

"It's one of 5 pro-level courses on site, and there are another 6 just a few minutes’ drive out past the beach and harbor,” said Satan, answering his unasked question.

They headed down in the lift and walked out into the lobby, where everyone waved and welcomed the man as Satan signed autographs and talked shop with the staff.

A the man walked out, he saw the group on the golf course was made up of of his old friends, people he'd admired for years but never met or worked with, and people whose work he admired but who died long before his career started.

Out of the middle of the group group came his wife, with a smile and the body she had when she was 25. She threw her arms around him and planted a delicate kiss on his cheek. Everyone cheered and his worst political enemy showed up as a 2 foot tall goblin-esque caddy

He spent the day on the golf course, having the time of his life, laughing at jokes and carrying on important discussions,while holding his wife next to him.

Later they returned to the hotel for dinner and had an enormous meal, perfectly cooked, which descended into a food-fight when someone threw a bread roll at the next table (where Ghandi was having a game of truth-or-dare with Marilyn Monroe).

Not long after he and his wife returned to their suite and spend the rest of the night making love like they did on their honeymoon. After 3 hours of intense passion he fell asleep, wrapped in the 100% Egyptian cotton sheets.

He was awakened by Saint Peter.
"So, that was Hell. Wasn't what you were expecting, I bet?"

“No sir!" said the man.
L
“So then," said Saint Peter, “make your choice. It's Hell, which you saw, or Heaven, which has choral singing, talking to God, white robes, and so on.”

“Well...I know this sounds strange, but on balance, I think I'd prefer Hell,” said the politician.

"Not a problem, we totally understand! Enjoy!" said Saint Peter, and clicked his fingers again.

[Joe @josephradhik]

Nope, this is the BEST balcony.

[Ramin Nasibov @RaminNasibov]

simple and creative

[Rob Usry @RobUsry]

This is the biggest knowing ball test in soccer btw

[Jill Tucker @jilltucker]

If you ever doubt how magical this world is, one day you will decide to go to a World Cup watch party in Oakland that you found online to root for a country where you spent two years trying to coax English out of the mouths of Cape Verdean teenagers. 1/7