Joe Punchclock

I'm just dicking about on Twitter. Nearly all my shit is replies. And I don't play pretend with adults. Guilty of genocide, apparently.

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@Jacob_Rees_Mogg Braw idea, old bean.

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@BBCNews Playing pretend with men in dresses is mighty expensive...

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@CConcern "Men in dresses are women, and I will go bankrupt on this hill."

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@DrHoenderkamp @CambridgeCops I'm sure his bail conditions expressly forbid him from feeding any more children to crocodiles. If he does, he faces a very stern ticking off.

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@TindalBruc37902 @DeanoGorton Killed by homeowners during burglaries, crashing stolen cars during police chases, feuding with machetes, topping themselves at five times the average rate...

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@jk_rowling I guess he's not one of the 'real' ones, because reasons...

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@KTHopkins @HelenWebberley Troonmongers.

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@BBCNews Only works with caravans and chalets, dude.

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@BBCNews Only the wrong 'uns are getting leathered. They would never amount to anything anyway.

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@jo_bartosch There just had to be a skeletroon in the closet.

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@Explosm That sweaty pee hole enveloping his epiglottis...

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@KTHopkins @BBCBreaking As long as it's hanging on by the smallest of slivers, it isn't technically a beheading...

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@ThePosieParker Ever so slightly over represented in domestic violence too...

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@ClimateWarrior7 Laycism...

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@JuliaHB1 Aw, no comments.

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@elbow112 Troonsit van.

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@ClimateWarrior7 How about bolt guns in locked boxes, like defibrillators?

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@jk_rowling @IWF We need a better word for this because no transition ever takes place.

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@KTHopkins @HMRCgovuk I think you need bumfluff and a meat Shewee to qualify...

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@BBCNews They're free at the moment, but maybe she can take comfort in the fact that they'll spend most of their lives inside for other crimes.